


Bonded

by CaraRose



Series: Bound [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Force Bond, Grey Jedi, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2018-11-17 13:57:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 42,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11276697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaraRose/pseuds/CaraRose
Summary: This story picks up a standard month afterChainedended.Kylo Ren finally has his scavenger, an agreement for her to travel with him for the next year in trade for information he provided the Resistance on the First Order, yet she remains resistant both to him and to being taught by him. With the First Order and Supreme Leader Snoke hunting for them to punish him for his betrayal, he struggles to win Rey's trust, trust he needs if the two of them are going to survive.In a journey that leads them through the edges of the outer rim to the unmapped reaches of the wild space, the two find themselves following old legends as they attempt to find a better understanding of the Force. In taking on this journey, they will find more about themselves, their feelings towards one another, and the connection that binds them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm using the standard galactic calender in this fic, hence Rey mentions one month had passed but there are nine months and three festival weeks left in her agreed standard year with Ren.
> 
>  

It was stifling hot on the ship. 

She had never minded heat before. Jakku was a kriffing desert. Heat had always been a part of her existence.

This was a different kind of heat. The air here was thick and damp and heavy and seemed to just smother her. Sweat drenched her body and nothing seemed to wick it away to cool her. Especially wedged up into the wall of the ship, where the bit of breeze that made it through the shuttle's open hatch had no chance to reach her.

She wedged herself in more into the narrow space, barely able to maneuver the cutting torch she was using to sever the charred and twisted parts out of the climate assembly. The torch made the whole tiny area heat up more. It was small and cramped and smothering and she hated it.

It was too bad the kriffing idiot neither knew how to fix this or would fit in here, because he’d find the small space as inviting as she found it distasteful. But he didn't and he wouldn't, and anyway he wouldn't let her go out by herself to find the parts they needed. He never let her go out by herself. She was pretty sure the only reason he let her leave the shuttle in ports at all was he realized she was going to snap if he made her stay inside all the time.

The sound of heavy boots on the floor alerted her of his return. She dropped the component she finished cutting out to the floor and kicked it out of the access panel so it wouldn't be in her way. He dropped a bag on the floor, “I think I found everything you needed.”

He better have. She didn't respond, which annoyed him. She could feel it even now with her shields up. He really hated the silent treatment, and it had become her cruelest weapon against him over this first month she'd been travelling with him.

“You're still mad at me.”

Gritting her teeth, she crouched down and leaned back to poked her head out of the access hatch. “You put your lightsaber through our climate regulator,” she glared at him before pulling herself back into the panel.

There was a twinge in the back of her mind, in the part of it that linked to his, and she realized he had really liked it that she used the word “our” when referencing the shuttle. She let out a huff of disgust as she started to remove the next component that he’d destroyed in his tantrum.

“I lost my temper.”

She hissed through her teeth, turning the torch off, dropping down again to pop out her head and look up at him. Swiping the sweat off her face with her hand, “You nearly killed us.”

He looked oddly meek as he took a bite of… something. Something bright red in a large cup. She squinted at it curiously, his lips twitched into a smile but otherwise ignored her interest. Purposefully ignored her interest. “We're alive. It just got a little chilly for a few hours there.”

A little chilly, yeah, if near kriffing freezing to death as the heat in the shuttle bled into space. Because someone couldn't stop himself from destroying things after an argument. An argument about the fact that she was sick of him being a controlling asshole. That he was refusing to let her find out anything about what was going on back with the Resistance. He’d gotten angry at her for being angry. Things went downhill from there.

He took another bite, slowly. She squinted at him in clear annoyance. Bending back a little farther to try to see better. The best thing about the last month had been the sheer number of new foods she’d been able to try. After a life of eating portions every day the variety of flavor that existed blew her mind. He’d caught on to how much she liked to taste new things, stocking up on fresh foods and buying local delicacies for her any time they were in port. 

He genuinely seemed to be delighted that he could be part of something that enthralled her and brought her joy. She genuinely found him charming when he was like that. Which made for a nice break of him being arrogant and completely intolerable most of the time.

She gave in to her curiosity, “What is that?”

“Hmmmm?” he took another bite, his lips twitching again. She glared. “I don't know if I want to share if you're going to stay mad at me.”

“Because being an asshole is going to endear you to me?”

He laughed and knelt down next to her, holding the spoon out to her mouth. She made sure to give him a look to let him know she still was thoroughly annoyed by him as she opened her mouth and let him slip the spoon in.

There was an explosion of something sweet and cold and intensely fruity on her tongue. In the heat it was insanely refreshing. It might have been one of the most amazing things she ever experienced. “Oh. My. Gods.”

She ignored his snorting laugh as she pulled herself out of the access panel and grabbed his hand. He offered her another bite which she took immediately. He got to his feet and walked over to the doorway of the shuttle and sat down in the open hatchway of the shuttle. She followed behind him and sat down next to him. The bit of breeze wicked the sweat soaking her body and felt amazing. He offered her a second spoon and put the cup between them to share.

“What is this?” she asked as she took another bite, rolling her eyes back in near ecstasy. 

He was laughing at her, she was tempted to smack him with her spoon but that would interrupt her ability to keep eating this completely amazing substance. There was a smile on his face when he spoke, his eyes happy as he watched her, “Ethorian Ice. I think the last time I had one I was ten. My parents took one of their rare vacations here. Was supposed to be two weeks but my mother was called back for work so we only were here six or seven days.” Taking another spoonful for himself, “Ecstasy might be a little extreme of a reaction, but it’s damn good.”

For a few minutes the two of them ate in silence.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and then sighed as she just rolled her eyes at him coldly. “I’m sorry I was an asshole.”

“No you’re not,” she took a bite and glared at him. He wasn’t sorry for that at all. In fact, he thought he was justified for getting upset with her when she was arguing with him. 

“Kriffing bond,” he muttered. “Okay, okay, but I am sorry I slashed the druk out of the ship and nearly killed us because I’m an idiot when I’m angry.”

She let out a laugh, it might have been slightly bitter, but she followed it with a sigh. At least he was honest with that apology, “Best I can hope for, so accepted.” 

He pushed the nearly empty cup over to her to finish the last few bites, watching her delight in every taste. “Thank you.”

She nodded, sighing again as the breeze swirled in from the open hatch. People were coming and going through the port, in the distance she could see sand and trees and the blue of water. One month had passed, assuming neither of them broke the terms of the deal, nine months and three festival weeks with him before she was free leave or stay of her own will.

“How long do you think the repairs will take?” he asked, suddenly. She suspected he had been sensing her train of thought and was asking to interrupt them.

“If you got me the right parts, a few hours. If I don’t collapse of heat exhaustion in there first. It’s a bit unbearable.”

He nodded, gazing out the door to try to hide his sheepish look from her, “I’d say we should go down to the beach and jump in the water to cool off and finish here at night when the temperature drops off a bit, but there’s way too many people around.”

“Jump… in the ocean?”

“That’s kind of what people do when they’re at the beach. Swim or lay in the sand. It’s not like Ahch-To, this is calm water.”

“Ummhhmm,” she answered as she bit her spoon.

He cocked his head down to look at her, a small, smug smile starting to cross his face, “Are you afraid of the water?”

“No!” he had such nerve. She swore part of him lived to press her buttons. “I just don’t know…” She let her voice trail off, cursing the apprehension that she knew he heard in her voice and sensed in her.

“How to swim?” his voice was still smug.

“There aren’t exactly swimming pools on Jakku,” she snapped.

“Mmmmmm….” she flicked her eyes up at him. He had a coy smile on his face. “Maybe we’ll take a walk later. Once it’s dark people should thin out a bit.”

“I’m not going in the water,” she dropped her spoon into the empty cup, trying to look at him sternly. 

That damn smug smile of his just widened, “We’ll see.”

She looked away,  _ Nine months. _

\--------

Once the repairs had been completed and the diagnostics passed, she turned the ship into a low power mode and activated the climate regulator. She wasn’t big on wasting the fuel, but the humidity and heat on the ship was just too much. It was bad for the electronics to be in air that damp anyway, she thought, trying to justify the waste.

She wanted to jump in the ‘fresher but Kylo was in there and the shower was running. Sighing, she made her way to her cabin, the larger of the two on the shuttle. Laying down and trying to relax as the air slowly cooled around her. 

The first month had been stressful. She had been very resistant to him, especially after it became clear that he was going to block her from getting any information about what was going on with her friends. Not knowing whether the information she had traded herself for was helping them or not was driving her crazy. 

He had wanted to start working with her but had backed off to give her space and time to adjust. Being currently confined on the shuttle was limiting anyway in terms of training. He’d slowly started introducing her to a form of meditation where he wanted her to pick an emotion she was feeling and focus on it, focus on isolating it and growing it. It was different from the Jedi meditation, where the intent was remove all emotion. It made her a little uncomfortable, even though he wasn’t making her focus on anger or any dark emotions, at least not now.

Kylo was strangely quiet in her head. He keeping his shields down most of the time now, and was pushing her to do the same. She was resistant to the idea of being that open. There was some level of privacy she needed and shielding each piece from him was more complicated than she could figure out. He didn’t have that problem, his time with Snoke taught him how to hide things away and wall them off in little secret places within his mind. Anything he didn’t want her to see he could hide from her easily.

But it was closed now, barricaded off from the rest of his mind. She blushed and turned on her side, trying to pretend she didn’t know why he might want to block her off and keep his thoughts private while he was in the shower. Pretend that she didn’t know that when his mind opened to her again he’d be tired and relaxed and the tension burned away. Just like the times now and again at night when he was in his cabin in bed and his presence in her head would recede and quiet.

Did he think about her when?

She closed her eyes tight, and squeezed her thighs together. These were not good thoughts for her to have. She’d made it clear she would keep her part of the trade and travel with him for a year, but wasn’t going to sleep with him again. It wasn’t going to happen. It shouldn’t have ever happened. 

A frustrated huff left her mouth as she closed her eyes and tried to force any thoughts of him from her mind.

\---

A steady knocking woke her up.

The ship was cool and the air no longer so thick with moisture that you could cut it. Bless the climate regulator. Rolling off the bed she walked over and opened the door to see what he wanted.

He stood there in just his pants and black undershirt, looking at her thoughtfully. 

“I was sleeping,” she said, annoyed, when he didn’t say anything.

“We should go for a walk.”

She frowned, not saying anything. Going outside sounded wonderful, but given their earlier conversation she was feeling a bit weary.

“It’s cooled down and it’s beautiful out and there’s not as many people around” he held out a hand. 

“I’m not going swimming,” she tried to keep her voice determined and neutral and failed miserably to keep the nervousness out of it.

His lips twitched, “Okay.”

She glared at him suspiciously. 

“Come on, I know you hate being in here.”

Sighing, she refused his hand but walked passed him, pausing to look back with her eyebrows up. He shook his head and walked with her out of the shuttle, in between the ships dotting the port. Looking up, the sky was open and clear and full of stars. For a moment it reminded her of the night sky on Jakku.

She followed behind him as he led his way down between the closed market stalls dotting the perimeter of the the ship port, onto a boardwalk lined with tall, slender trees, down a staircase to an impossibly long stretch of sandy beach.

The water was different than the choppy sea that crashed onto the rocks at Ahch-To.The waves rolling in were less violent but still seemed intimidating to her. Lit by just the moonlight of the two moons hanging in the western sky, the water seemed inky and black instead of the blue she’d seen in the morning. A rolling black mass going in and out. Not that it mattered, she wasn’t going in. No. Nope. Nopes. Not a chance.

He led them to a spot with no one else in sight and sat down in the sand, pulling off his boots before stretching his long legs out and sighing. When she joined him he shot her a small smile and the affection that crossed the bond tingled through her mind, making her sigh.

His arm reached around her and rested on her shoulders, she let him keep it there, for now anyway. It made him happy to be able to touch her. Kriff it, she’ll let him be happy for a little while.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, kicking off her boots to feel the sand under her feet. The sand was fine and smooth and delicate. A slightly more refined version of the kind that made the tall dunes on Jakku. 

She wondered if people who hadn’t lived their entire life surrounded by it paid any attention to the different types of sand there were. There was fine sand, coarse sand, uniform sand where the grains were all the same, rough scrappy sand of mixed grains and coarseness, hard pack sand that almost felt like solid rock. Were there people who just saw sand and thought, oh sand, without recognizing the differences?

His amusement tingled in her head. Her shields were mostly down. Just a small layer that acted like a fence into the parts of her mind she wanted to keep private. It wasn’t something to keep him out as much as a line she was requesting he didn’t cross.

“What’s the plan going forward?” she asked, with a sigh. 

He thought about the question, letting a silence linger for a bit before he spoke, “Immediate? Get kriff out of here, it’s too busy and we’re too noticeable. We should leave in the morning.” He sighed, “Longer term, I want to find somewhere quiet and secluded where we can train for awhile. Find some backwater port and stock up on supplies, find a deserted planet and stay there a month or two. There’s a lot I want to work on with you.”

She looked down at her toes, wiggling them in the sand. That he wanted to work with her and teach her wasn’t exactly an unknown, but the prospect of him trying to teach her the darkside terrified her.

“Rey, please, I’m not trying to change you, I just want to teach you to use the darkness when you need it,” his hand reached out and touched her face, pulling her head to look at him. “We’re both in danger now, you know that, don’t you? The Order is going to be coming after me and even if Snoke’s decided he’s better off with you dead he’ll still use you to get to me. At the very least you need to know how to protect yourself if we’re separated.”

Frowning, she said nothing and broke eye contact. He sighed, standing and brushing sand off his pants, “I’m going to need you to trust me going forward.” 

There was a long pause, “Which probably is why I shouldn’t do this.”

She blinked, shouldn’t do wha-- and he grabbed her suddenly, throwing her over his shoulder and running with her into that black, inky mass of smooth waves reflecting the moonlight. Water splashed up as he ran through it, splashing against her feet. 

By the time she was able to start reacting the water was over his chest and her feet were dragging in the water. Starting to struggle she tried to yell at him but it came out more as a squeak and she cursed herself for not keeping herself together, “I said… no… I’m not swimming, put me down, damn you.”

A laugh rumbled through his chest, “I’m not making you swim, I’m making you go into the water.”

“I don’t want to be in the water!”

The water was even deeper as he swung her gently off his shoulder and put her in front of him holding her arms gently. He could just touch the bottom here, but it was too deep for her. Her body felt strangely weightless and she kicked her feet and let out a frantic squeal, splashing wildly as she grabbed on to him in panic, wrapping her legs around his torso and her arms around his neck.

His chest rumbled again and if he currently hadn’t been her tiny island in this mass of black around her she would have punched him in his gods damned smug face. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” 

A wave hit them suddenly, for a moment they were both under the water before he regained his footing. She squeaked again, digging her face into this his neck. The salty water got into her mouth and made her feel like gagging. Her heart was pounding and she was terrified and asshole was finding this amusing.

“Just relax,” he soothed, his mouth against her ear. The tickle of his breath caused her thighs to tighten around him involuntarily and she cursed to herself as she felt a warmth radiate from him over the bond.

“Take me back to the shore,” she tried to make her voice steady, but another wave hit them, a smaller one that just splashed through them, and her voice broke on the last word.

“Not yet. We’re going to go out further and as much as I like your legs wrapped around me you’re going to let go. I’ll keep a hold on you, you’re not going to drown.”

“No!”

“Yes,” his voice was less playful and more firm. “Consider this training, you need to face your fears.”

“I’m not afraid!” she snapped, denying it was silly but her pride was a stubborn thing. And anyway, why shouldn’t she be afraid she’d never been in water deeper than a kriffing puddle?

“Uh huh, then why don’t you let go?”

“Because I don’t kriffing want to. I want to go back to the beach!”

“Let go, I’ll swim out with you a bit, then we can go back to the beach,” his voice was calm and determined and she realized he wasn’t going to let it go. She glared at him.

“I hate you so much right now,” she muttered as she let unwound her legs and dangled from his neck into the water. He reached up and pulled her arms from around his neck, holding her forearms as he put a bit of distance between two of them.

“Just relax and you’ll float.” He appeared to take his feet off the bottom, floating easily. 

She tried, and she could feel herself bobbing in the water with the waves. It made her feel slightly sick, “I don’t like this.”

He ignored her and began to pull her out further, swimming on his side. She didn’t know how deep it was but the water seemed to be getting colder around her feet. He stopped and tread water in place, letting them rise and fall with the waves. After a few minutes her fear lessened but she still hated the feeling of floating, of not having a connection to the ground.

“See? It’s not that bad,” he said, gently.

“I really don’t like this,” she answered.

“But not as frightened, so that’s a start,” he chuckled. “I’m going to have to teach you how to swim eventually.”

“I don’t want to swim.”

“It’s a survival skill.”

“My survival skill will be to not get in the kriffing water.”

He snorted, slowly starting to swim back towards the shore, “Maybe sooner rather than later.” Once he got to a point where he could touch the bottom he stood and picked her up, carrying her the rest of the way back to the beach. Gently, he put her down in the sand and knelt next to her.

“You’re not going to talk to me for the next week, are you?”

She responded with a glare, not talking to him for the next nine months sounded like a better idea.

Without warning he had her caged between her arms and his lips crushed against hers. She pulled back and he followed, breaking the kiss off to smirk down at her. Cursing the heat that had built up between her legs she slapped him, “Don’t you dare do that again.”

The kriffer didn’t even flinch when she struck him. Instead his grin widened and he pulled back, “If I’m going to get the silent treatment, I might as well earn it.”

Baring her teeth, she grabbed her boots and stumbled to her feet, not bothering to put them on as she turned her back on him and headed back to the ship. Behind her she heard the sound of his footsteps as he followed, not allowing her any real distance from him. She didn’t look back, even after they’d boarded the shuttle. Going straight to her cabin she grabbed clothes and went into the ‘fresher, locking the door behind her.

Standing in the hot water she tried her best to not think about the insufferable ass or his insufferable lips against hers. She didn’t understand how she could be so drawn to him even after he pulled druk like he had pulled on the beach. He felt justified in doing something like that if he wanted to, just as he felt justified not letting her go out on her own or talk to strangers or get any word on what was back home. It was part of what she agreed to when she accepted the his deal. 

Which she supposed she had. But not having any semblance of choice was going to drive her insane. Not being able to hear if the information he’d given the Resistance in exchange for her accompanying him was helping them was going to drive her insane. 

She felt a ghost of his lips on her again and trembled, kriff. Thinking about that was going to drive her insane. Really was going to drive her insane, because she was not going to sleep with him again. No matter how much she was drawn to him. No matter how much he wanted it. No matter how her mind went back to the feeling of his head between her legs and his tongue on her.

Jerking the temperature dial she swapped the water to the coldest setting, letting the icy blast hit her and knock her back to reality before she turned the water off. She quickly toweled herself dry before pulling clean clothes over her still damp skin. She left the ‘fresher, still rubbing her hair with a towel as she walked towards the galley area, hoping to eat something before going to sleep.

He surprised her by still being out of his cabin.

Most nights he vanished in there to his research. There was a strange methodicalness to how he read and took notes. There were times he stayed up all night at his desk reading old holos and even paper books that he’d taken from Snoke’s library. Taking notes on his datapad. His mind entered a strangely calm state as he did this. It reminded her of how her mind got during the meditation that Luke had taught her, at least when she was able to actually do it right.

Tonight though, he was lying stretched out on one of the padded benches, datapad in his hand, reading. On the galley table across the room was a plate of sliced fruit and cheeses. She sighed, he’d went out of his way to set it out for her. Why did he have to be utterly intolerable one moment and completely considerate in the next?

She sat down on the bench that wrapped around the table and began to eat. Neither one of them acknowledging the other. She knew she should keep the silent treatment after the druk he pulled tonight, but the quiet was bothering her for some reason. Finally she gave and broke the silence, glancing over him, “Thank you,” nodding down at the plate. He glanced up from his datapad and gave a small shrug and smile. 

“What are you reading?”

He looked up again, a touch of surprise at her continued conversation, “Just reviewing my notes.”

“On what?”

Cocking his head at her, he sat up. She’d never really shown interest before in what he was looking into with the holos and books. “Grey Jedi.”

“What are Grey Jedi?” she’d never heard the term, but her mind flitted back to her vision in the temple on Ahch-To and the brown haired woman with the grey eyes who had told her that sometimes one needed to resolve to walk in the grey.

“Depends on who is writing, most Jedi writings on them felt they were stray Jedi that lost their way and had allowed themselves to be tainted with darkness. More broad historical writings place them as a sect that broke off from the Jedi order in the days of the old Republic. The believed that both sides of the Force needed to exist in balance.”

“Light and Darkness?” 

“Yes, and unlike the Jedi Order they didn’t shun emotion or attachments. They believed strength and creativity were derived from such things. They used the darkness or the light, depending on what was needed.”

She could see the appeal to that, especially for him. Wasn’t that what he claimed he wanted of her? To be able to use her darkside if needed but otherwise to allow her to embrace the light?

“Sounds interesting.”

He smiled, a genuine smile, “I can loan you some of the holos if you actually are interested.”

She smiled back as she finished the last bite off her plate, “I may take you up on that eventually.” Standing and turning to head to her cabin, “But I’m going to go to bed now.”

His eyes went back to his datapad, “Goodnight, Rey.”

Pausing a moment, she looked back over her shoulder, “Goodnight, Kylo.”

She turned away before she saw it, but she felt his smile flicker across the bond.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He took a bite of his own sandwich, shaking his head, waiting till he swallowed to respond, “You did not beat me on Ahch-To.”
> 
> “I remember,” food spilled out of her mouth as she started to talk through another big bite, causing her to stop speaking as she caught it with her hand and shoved it back in.
> 
> Kylo shook his head at her, a small, mildly horrified smile on his face, “I am never going to figure out how to make you acceptable for polite company.”
> 
> She swallowed, “Kriff polite company. And back to Ahch-To, I pretty much remember throwing your ass off a cliff.”
> 
> “Because a kriffing bird flew into my head,” he huffed. “I disarmed you. I had you. You were beaten.”
> 
> “The great Kylo Ren was defeated by a ball of feathers?” She teased for a moment before sighing, “That poor little puff.”
> 
> He snorted, “I don’t know if the bird beat me, but I know _you_ didn’t beat me.”
> 
> She scoffed, taking another bite of her sandwich, remembering to swallow this time before talking, “You know it really wasn’t necessary for you to kill it.”
> 
> “Kill what?”
> 
> “The puff!”
> 
> “Seriously?” he shot her an exasperated look. “It was a kriffing bird.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this chapter is a lot of fluff, and some bickering, and a little bit of something weird. Then some more fluff.

In the morning he coaxed her to come outside with him again. The sun was already starting to heat the air around them and the air was getting the heavy, smothering quality it got here during the day. It was already getting crowded, people coming and going between ships and the market stalls and the beach.

It felt a little overwhelming. She felt a hand brush her shoulder and she looked at Kylo who just raised an eyebrow at her.

“It’s just so crowded,” she shrugged.

“You should see what it’s like out here in the afternoon,” he chuckled, “and you don’t even want to know what this place is like during Festival of the Stars when everyone is travelling.”

She looked around and wondered what the real draw was to this place? The sun? The sand? The ocean? The sun always seemed to be shining, but she found the mugginess so miserable that she couldn’t see the appeal.

They wandered around the market stalls, Kylo picking looking around for any last minute supplies it would be wise to pick up. She found herself wandering among the more touristy stalls, well aware of Kylo’s presence growing in her mind if they lost sight of each other. A stall selling flowers, both potted live plants and fresh cut. One plant in particular caught her attention. It had delicate, five petaled flowers hanging in small clusters from vines. The outer edges of the petals were a deep blue, cut by bright yellow towards the centers and the fragrance was deep and sweet.

There were stalls selling clothing, stalls selling art, stalls selling types of crafts. Many stalls that sold ridiculously pointless knick knacks. Everything was ridiculously overpriced, she couldn’t imagine buying any of it for what they were asking. She paused at to look at a stall selling jewelry and found herself transfixed on a necklace-- just a simple silver chain with a pendant of the same flowers she’d loved at the flower stall, made with some kind of yellow and blue gemstones. Fighting the temptation to look at the price, she moved on. It would be as overpriced as anything else here, she was sure.

After browsing a few more stalls, she went looking for Kylo. The humidity and heat were starting to get oppressive and she wanted to get out of the sun. She traced her way around the maze of stalls, feeling for him. After five minutes she paused, feeling aggravated, his presence as in her her head, so he knew she was looking for him, couldn’t he stay put?

She felt a wave of amusement before his voice filled her head, _You could have just asked me to come find you._

Crossing her arms, she huffed, _You could have stayed put and I would have found you._

 _You hungry? Meet me over by the start of the boardwalk, that’s where the food vendors are._ He was changing the subject to avoid an argument, she could tell, but let it go. She _was_ kind of hungry and she wondered what kind of food they sold. She sent a non-verbal affirmation and worked her way down to the boardwalk, settling down on a bench in the shade of one of the slender, tall trees.

After a few minutes she saw him, lugging a box under one arm and a few bags. He put them down next to her on the bench, and sat down wiping the sweat off his forehead, “Damn this heat.”

She snorted, “Heat I can take, but this air is so kriffing heavy here. I don’t see the appeal.”

“Ocean, beach, resorts, sun, rarely rains,” he shrugged. “But it’s too humid for me, I remember thinking it was too hot when I was a kid and my parents vacationed here. Between that and the people and the… openness… it wasn’t my favorite place. I wasn’t upset that my mother got called back to work and we left early.”

“What kind of environments do you like?” the breeze blew around them, cool against her sweat slicked skin. His dislike of open spaces was still something she still couldn’t quite understand.

He frowned thoughtfully a moment, “Temperate forests. I like being in the woods.” Reaching down he grabbed the front of his shirt and used it to mop his face. “I’m going to run down and get us something to eat.”

For a moment she wanted to protest that she might want to come with and chose for herself what to eat, but going with meant leaving the shade. Anyway, he rarely disappointed her when he brought her food to try.

“Okay.”

“Watch our things, I'll be right back,” he got up and headed off down the boardwalk.

She sighed to herself as she felt him grow in her mind again as he went. Always there to watch, to be ready to protect her. It came from a good place, good intentions, but was annoying as all kriffing hell.

A breeze rustled the fronds of the trees and wicked at the sweat on her skin. She closed her eyes, running a finger through her hair. Even her hair was damp with sweat. When she got back to the ship she was going to take a long shower.

There was a sudden tightness in her chest and despite the heat her skin pebbled in gooseflesh. Snapping her eyes open, she looked around, nervously. The sensation of being watched was overpowering. She scanned around her, finding nothing out of the ordinary.

_Rey? Are you okay?_

She took a deep breath, maybe it was nothing, _I’m fine… I just had this feeling I was being watched._

There was a hesitation from the other end of the bond, he was debating coming back.

_It’s nothing, the heat is getting to me. And don’t you dare come back without food, I’m starving._

_You’re always starving,_ his voice was teasing in her head, but she could feel the uncertainty behind it.

_I'm fine._

She closed her eyes again. Maybe it was just the stress of the last few days, the argument, the damage to the shuttle and the race to get to a port before they kriffing froze, dealing with Kylo in general… Her body tensed again, feeling a strange pull against her mind, and she snapped her eyes open.

Her eyes were drawn to… it… him? It was male, not human… his proportions were too off to be human. It was hard to see at this distance, but somehow she could tell his skin was wrong too… not skin, scales. He was leaning casually against the back of a market stall, appearing to look at the beach and ocean. She wasn’t sure how she missed him before. He wore heavy clothes that were off for the climate. A long dark green robe with long, wide sleeves that hid his hands, brimmed hat, and dark glasses covering his eyes.

His head tilted slightly to the side as he realized she was watching him. Raising his arm up, the sleeve slid back to reveal a three fingered hand, long black claws on the end of each finger. He hooked the edge of a claw on his glasses and pulled them down, revealing eyes dark yellow, cut with a narrow slit of a black pupil through the center.

As she met his eyes, it felt like reality itself started to dim. Everything fading slightly except for the alien and her.

_(*curious pretty little child more than just shiny aren’t you*)_

Wait, what? What the hell was that? The words wormed through her head like a soft hissing whisper.

_(*intensity of that light swore off the hunt long ago pity taste you from here*)_

Her hands clenched, was she hearing him? Was he speaking to her?

_(*to you to myself doesn’t matter time's up but soon curious child we will meet again soon*)_

“Rey!”

Her eyes snapped open, blinking. Kylo was leaning over her, a concerned look on his face. One hand gently shaking her shoulder, the other hand reaching up to brush some hair from her face, “You were sleeping. Are you okay?”

“I…” she looked over towards where the alien had been, but there was nothing.

A dream? Had she been dreaming? It hadn’t felt like a dream.

Kylo glanced over where she was looking, then back, “Rey?”

“I’m fine,” she took a deep breath. “I guess I just nodded off. Had a strange dream...”

He frowned. Feeling her own doubt and uncertainty at calling it a dream.

“Please tell me you brought food?” she huffed, hoping to distract him from pushing the issue.

Rolling his eyes, he sat down next to her, opening a small bag. The scent wafting from the bag made her mouth water. Whatever it was it smelled really good. He pulled out two… sandwiches? maybe? wrapped in foil, “Promise me you’ll tell me about this dream later?”

“Or what?” she asked, reaching out for the sandwich.

He smacked her hand lightly away, “Or maybe I’ll eat both of these.”

“I kicked your ass more than once, you know? I can always do it again.”

“Once. You kicked my ass once. And I was wounded,” he said, handing over one of the sandwiches.

She ripped off the foil to reveal… some kind of puffy bread stuffed full of… okay, she had no idea and didn’t care. Taking a huge bite she found it was some kind of fish, Luke occasionally had cooked fish when she was staying on Ahch-To, this was close enough that it had to be that or something very similar. Though the fish Luke had made were not coated with something crispy, nor had been this moist and light and flaky. Nor had it been stuffed on puffy, amazing bread with some kind of sweet, creamy sauce and tart, pickled vegetables. Still chewing, she waved her hand at Kylo, “You weren’t wounded on Ahch-To.”

He took a bite of his own sandwich, shaking his head, waiting till he swallowed to respond, “You did not beat me on Ahch-To.”

“I remember,” food spilled out of her mouth as she started to talk through another big bite, causing her to stop speaking as she caught it with her hand and shoved it back in.

Kylo shook his head at her, a small, mildly horrified smile on his face, “I am never going to figure out how to make you acceptable for polite company.”

She swallowed, “Kriff polite company. And back to Ahch-To, I pretty much remember throwing your ass off a cliff.”

“Because a kriffing bird flew into my head,” he huffed. “I disarmed you. I had you. You were beaten.”

“The great Kylo Ren was defeated by a ball of feathers?” She teased for a moment before sighing, “That poor little puff.”

He snorted, “I don’t know if the bird beat me, but I know _you_ didn’t beat me.”

She scoffed, taking another bite of her sandwich, remembering to swallow this time before talking, “You know it really wasn’t necessary for you to kill it.”

“Kill what?”

“The puff!”

“Seriously?” he shot her an exasperated look. “It was a kriffing bird.”

“You crushed it,” she shook her head, remembering the crunch of the bird’s bones and the splash of blood and trying to chase the memory away. Whether it was the force or just luck, that bird attacking Kylo at that moment had been the turning point, the distraction that allowed her to get away and send him tumbling over the cliffs into the ocean.

“It _attacked_ me.” He shook his head, muttering to himself, “seriously...”

She frowned at him as she finished her sandwich.

“Oh for kriff’s sake, really?” he looked at her. “You’re mad at me now about that?”

She shrugged, balling up the foil, “I’m not mad. I’m… upset… at how indifferent you are to it.”

“Okay, I’m sorry I killed the bird on Ahch-To,” he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t be an ass. I don’t need a bond to know you’re not.”

“Ah, I’m sure you can also tell without the bond that I think you’re being ridiculous?” he finished his sandwich, reaching over and snatching the ball of foil from her hand. She just glared as he got up and walked over to a trash receptacle, tossing their garbage away.

“You have no problem slaughtering anything, innocent or not, that gets in your way. I don’t think that’s something I’m ridiculous for not liking.” She looked away. For the most part she avoided really thinking about the things he’d done. Or about the fact that had he been able to, he would have killed Luke on Ahch-To and dragged her back with him as his prisoner.

Small arguments and occasional lightsaber-through-climate-regulator fights aside, he was different enough now, calmer, that it made it easy to forget who he really was. Because despite the fact that her presence seemed to steady and calm him, he still was the same person who’d done so many terrible things. Most of which he probably didn’t even regret.

He sat down again, running a hand through his hair, “Can we agree to go back to the ship and forget this conversation ever happened?” His eyes met hers and they were soft, pleading. He was aware of where her mind was going and desperate to get her thoughts away from the dangerous rabbit hole they were going down.

Sighing, she nodded. It wasn’t like thoughts like these were going to make the next nine months anything other than unbearable. He smiled and reached over, rubbing the back of his hand on her chin, wiping off some sauce from the sandwich she didn’t even know was there.

“Never suitable for polite company,” he murmured.

She swatted his hand down, “Good thing my company isn’t polite.”

He smirked, getting up and gathering the bags and the box, “Come on, I've got one more stop and then we need to get out of here.”

“One more stop?” She got up, following close behind.

Glancing back he just smiled and nodded for her to follow.

“Is there some reason why you feel the need to carry everything yourself? I can take some bags.” He was ridiculously overloaded, bags hanging off his left arm and the box curled under his

“That wouldn’t be polite or chivalrous, and because I _am_ polite company I must bear the burden.” He glanced at her with an amused look and she rolled her eyes, snorting. Stopping, he turned and bowed slightly to her, “You apparently forget that I was a knight, m’lady. I am very well mannered.”

“A dark knight,” she scoffed.

Smirking, he slid a few of the bags off his arm and shoved them at her, “Suit yourself then.”

“ _Polite_ company,” she said in mock offense as she took the bags.

“ _Very_. And thank you,” he nodded at the bags before turning and heading down the boardwalk to a small food stand.

She stepped next to him, looking at the stand with sudden excitement. The sign in front simply said “ICE.”

“Figured we need to get one for the road,” he said to her, stepping up to the counter. “Want the same flavor as last time or pick something different?”

Looking at the seemingly endless list of flavors she felt stunned and overwhelmed… how did one pick one out of that list?

“If you’re looking for suggestions, I’d say Mandalorian Orange or Zoochberry.”

“Umm…. Mandalorian Orange, I guess?”

He chuckled, looking down at the short, chubby woman in a woven sun hat behind the counter, “One small Blumfruit and one large Mandalorian Orange.”

The woman scooped the ice into the cups and poured a red syrup over the small one, and then a bright orange syrup over the large one. Jabbing a spoon in each she shoved the cups towards Kylo. He fumbled credits out of his pocket and handed them over.

She grabbed hers and took a bite, practically jumping in place as the flavor filled her mouth. The intensely sweet orange flavor had a tiny note of tartness. It was divine.

He watched her with amusement, “Can you grab mine too?” He shifted the bags and resecured his arm around the box. “We’ll eat them back on the ship.”

She nodded, taking one more bite before sticking the spoon back in hers and grabbing the smaller cup off the counter. Following him as they made their way back to the shuttle. She sighed as the cool air drifted out as the ramp opened.

Once on board he put the bags and the box on the table, taking his ice from her and taking a bite before making his way to the cockpit. Leaving the bags she was carrying with the others, she followed him in and sank down in the copilot’s seat as he tapped in a request for takeoff clearance in the com. The shuttle engines hummed as he put them online.

“Where are we going?” she asked, swiveling her seat back and forth.

“Random unpopulated system about an eight hour jump away,” he answered, taking another bite of his ice. “I’ll figure out what’s next from there.”

The com beeped as the takeoff clearance was granted. The shuttle vibrated gently as it rose from the ground, quickly gaining altitude and breaching the atmosphere with a burst of speed. She looked out the window at mostly blue orb, dotted with green and tan. “It was a pretty planet. Hot as kriff, but pretty.”

He chuckled, “I intend to give you a tour of many more pretty planets.”

“Please not for the same reason as this time,” she answered dryly.

They cleared the gravity well of the planet and Kylo activated the hyperdrive. The engines hummed louder and the ship vibrated around them, the stars stretching, the planet left behind as they entered hyperspace.

 

* * *

 

They stayed in the cockpit as they ate their ice. He finished his but stayed while she ate the rest of hers, packing it away into that bottomless pit of a stomach. They made inane conversation that was utterly pointless and he didn’t care. Talking to her, being near her, watching her delight as she ate-- these things made him so stupidly happy.

He was relieved to get off Ethor. The planet was just too crowded and it would be really easy for word to get to the Order. That was a confrontation he needed to avoid, at least until Rey was better trained and better able to defend herself. She was stubborn enough to think she could handle that sort of a fight, and he wasn’t about to let her find out how wrong she was.

“So… the dream? Can you tell me about it?” he asked, carefully masking his emotions from the bond. Finding her unconscious had been disturbing. Her side of the bond hand faded just slightly and he had assumed she was just raising her shields a bit. She still was wary of leaving herself open to him. It hadn’t felt like she was sleeping to him… it had felt, different.

She waved her spoon, “It’s not a big deal. And it wasn’t even… I mean it was weird more than frightening or anything.”

He raised his eyebrows and shook his head, “So tell me?”

“I felt like I was being watched, and after we talked,” she frowned. “Is it even talking, what we do? I mean, when we communicate over the bond? We’re not really talking.”

“I don’t think this matters for this story,” he said, voice flat, fighting to quickly to hide his annoyance from the bond.

“Okay, well, we communicated. I closed my eyes and I guess that’s when I fell asleep.” He sensed a wave of uncertainty from her.She still was doubtful that she had been asleep and dreaming. “I remember feeling like I was being watched, and I was looking around trying to find who was watching, and I saw-- okay I’m not sure what he was. Not human, almost reptilian? His skin had scales, three fingers on his hands, each with a long claw. Wearing a heavy green robe and a hat and dark glasses.”

He frowned, an itch seeming to start in the back of his mind. Something about the description was vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t place why.

“When he noticed I’d noticed him, he pulled down his glasses and he had strange eyes. Yellow with a slit pupil down the center. Then it got really weird, like everything but him and I dimmed. Then I heard him in my head. It was strange, like a hiss worming through my mind. It was creepy.”

“What did he say?”

She shook her head, taking another bite of her ice, “I don’t… it was weird, called me ‘curious child’ I think. And something about me being more than shiny. Then something about the intensity of light and being able to taste me. Then that time was up but we’d meet again soon.” Shrugging, “Then I woke up to you shouting my name.”

Leaning back, he rubbed his eyes, frowning. Not sure what to make of it. Having anything tell you it can taste you really doesn’t seem good.

“It had to be a dream, right?” she shook her head.

“I…” he debated a moment before deciding to just be honest, “I don’t know. It’s all just really weird. And I normally would have been able to tell if you were sleeping, through the bond… I’m sure you can tell with me too?”

She nodded, biting her spoon and swivelling her chair nervously.

“I don’t know what it was, but you’re fine, I’m fine. I don’t think we should worry.” Oh, but he was worried and he was going to keep worrying. He really didn’t like lying to her, but in this case he couldn’t think of a good reason to have her worrying about this.

Scaping the last of her ice from her cup she savored the last bite and sucked briefly on the spoon, still swiveling the chair back and forth. Finally she dropped the spoon back in the cup, standing and grabbing his empty cup as well, “Okay, well, I’m going to hit the ‘fresher.”

He followed her out of the cockpit, walking over to the bags to sort and put away. She dropped the cups in the trash chute before heading to her room for a change of clothes. A small smile played on his face as he watched her go.

 

* * *

 

Water showers were really high on her list of the best things ever in the galaxy.

She left the ‘fresher, feeling a much better now that she was in clean clothes. Heading briefly into the main cabin to grab some water from the galley. Kylo wasn’t out. She could feel him, extremely focused and calm, studying his holos and books. For a moment she felt like she could even see him in that cramped cabin that he purposely seemed to keep crammed and cluttered, making it more confined for himself. Sitting at the desk, reading and taking notes on his datapad.

At some point she would have to ask for some of the holos he’d mentioned he could give her on Grey Jedi. She found the concept curious. Seemed as worthwhile as anything to read about. She entered her cabin, deep in thought, not noticing something that was different for just a moment. Then she stopped and turned, looking at the dresser.

On top in the center of it was the potted plant she had like so much at flower stall in the market. The little blue and yellow flowers hanging down long vines in clusters. She walked over and touched one of the vines gently, running her hand down the soft flowers, being careful not to damage them.

As she dropped her hand it drew her attention to something else, sitting in front of the plant… the necklace. Simple silver chain and the pendent of the same flowers as the plant, made with blue and yellow gemstones. She picked it up and held it in the palm of her hand. Had he bought them while she was trying to track him down and couldn’t seem to find him? Had he purposely been avoiding her so he’d have time to get them?

She could feel him smiling, stopping what he was doing a room away and taking note of her reaction.

 _You overpaid for these_.

He was amused, _If you like them, it was worth it. If it was worth it, then it’s worth what I paid._

Oh, gods damn him for being so kriffing sweet. _You would have failed miserably trying to barter on Jakku._

She felt him smile again and she sighed, _Thank you._

He acknowledged the thanks across the bond before going back to his books, fading again into that nearly meditative focus.

Holding the necklace still in her hand, she looked at it again before putting it on and looking in the mirror. It suited her well.

She couldn’t help but smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter. This just didn't want to end.
> 
> For those who are curious, I view Ethorian Ice something like Hawaiian shave ice which if you're ever in Hawaii you need to try. Kinda like the most amazing snow cone you'll ever have in your life.
> 
> XOXOXO for kudos and comments and I'm happy to see so many people happy that that I'd started posting this story.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their relationship’s upward trend took a sharp turn downwards at the last port they stopped at. He’d let her handle refueling while he bought supplies. And she'd used that opportunity to try to get news of the growing galactic conflict by chatting up the port attendant. Which she knew was information he didn't want her to be distracted by.
> 
> And it would have been one thing if she had just been talking to that attendant… but no, she had been practically flirting with the man. She might have been doing it just to try to drag more gossip out so she could get as much news as possible, but it was still flirting.
> 
> He would admit he probably shouldn't have lost his temper. Nor should he have terrified that inconsequential gnat of an attendant the way he had. But his girl both actively defying him and flirting with someone else had been too much for him to take.
> 
> It also turned out the correct response to his girl spitting “You don't kriffing own me” at him as he dragged her onto the shuttle was not to say “For the next year I do.” That one had really pissed her off. It had earned him the second slap of the week… which was disturbingly a bit of a turn on. Not that there was much about Rey that didn't turn him on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, been a bit busy between work and the holiday weekend here in the states.

He was beginning to understand that for every victory with Rey there was a least three defeats and probably a dozen stalemates. His girl was smart and powerful and talented, and stubborn. Inexplicably, irrationally, irritatingly, frustratingly stubborn. Stubborn as an eopie, and when you pushed back against her she’d turn as vicious as a rancor.

Laying in the fine mist of a waterfall, the hard, damp rock under his back, he pondered the last few weeks. After leaving Ethor and hitting a few small ports to fill out their supplies, he'd found them a remote uninhabited system so he could focus on Rey's training. The jungle world lacked any major predators and had decent weather. Other than the humidity-- gods she did she bitch about that-- and occasional storms, he really couldn't have found a better planet.

Their relationship’s upward trend took a sharp turn downwards at the last port they stopped at. He’d let her handle refueling while he bought supplies. And she'd used that opportunity to try to get news of the growing galactic conflict by chatting up the port attendant. Which she _knew_ was information he didn't want her to be distracted by.

And it would have been one thing if she had just been talking to that attendant… but no, she had been practically flirting with the man. She might have been doing it just to try to drag more gossip out so she could get as much news as possible, but it was still flirting.

He would admit he probably shouldn't have lost his temper. Nor should he have terrified that inconsequential gnat of an attendant the way he had. But his girl both actively defying him _and_ flirting with someone else had been too much for him to take.

It also turned out the correct response to his girl spitting “You don't kriffing own me” at him as he dragged her onto the shuttle was not to say “For the next year I do.” That one had _really_ pissed her off. It had earned him the second slap of the week… which was disturbingly a bit of a turn on. Not that there was much about Rey that didn't turn him on.

She still wasn't talking to him when they had gotten here and was immediately pushing back when he had tried to work with her. Gods knew there was a lot she still needed to work on. Which had led to even more conflict as he discovered the size of the holes Skywalker had left in her education. In terms of force manipulation he’d only given her the bare basics, which he supposed he could forgive, given the short amount of time she had spent with the old fool. But gods, her forms-- that he couldn’t forgive. In his uncle’s rush to train the girl for an inevitable battle against _him_ , he skimmed the basics if Shii Cho and then gone into teaching her a technique that seemed to be a mixture of Sorensu for defense and Ataru for quick, rapid attacks. Maybe even a touch of Shien mixed in here and there, given how the attacks were based on speed and mobility. It was hard to sort out.

He understood, at least a little, why Skywalker had taught her this way. The goal was to give her the best chance of survival when the inevitable rematch between the two of them occurred. Against his size and power driven attacks, the short, rapid offensive coupled with a graceful defense had gave her a chance. A poor one-- he’d readily beaten her in both times their blades met on Ahch-To-- but a chance anyway. It had made it a bit more of a fight than it would have been otherwise.

Maybe if it had worked better in her favor he’d be more forgiving, but instead he was borderline offended at the way proper forms had been kicked to the side. His scorn for this had been a flare blazing across their bond and she’d been furiously offended at his contempt for the quality of her master’s teaching. She was offended at his wish to take her back to basics and teach her Shii Cho, feeling that the movements were simplistic and beneath her. It was the foundation of all the forms, he had tried to explain, and simplistic or not it was the one form that could not be bypassed or skimmed over.

Her frustration regularly became and issue. It really hadn’t been something he expected, the way she would get so frustrated so easily when she couldn’t do something. For someone who he knew to be able to push through and persevere over almost anything, facing her failure and recouping to try again was always made more difficult than it needed to be. She would sometimes just shut down and balk at trying something again after she’d failed it several times. It frustrated him to no end and lost them precious training time as she refused to continue.

If she had been like this with his uncle, then the old man had become more moderate in his old age. He would have never tolerated such behavior from him or any of his fellow students back in the Academy days. Skywalker’s temper may have run cold instead of hot, but that just meant it was left to linger for days or weeks for his fury to linger as he slowly extracted his pound of flesh from you in subtle and petty revenge. Not that the man had ever admitted that was what it was.

Sitting up on the boulder he looked down into the pool at the base of the waterfall. Yesterday she had actually turned her back on him and walked away after an argument over how she was concentrating during force manipulation. He had suggested that she may want to stop suppressing her emotions and instead use them as a way to tune her focus. She’d immediately refused because it contradicted Skywalker’s teachings. His patience, already running thin, snapped. He’d told her that Skywalker was an old fool clinging to old, failed ways, and that the only thing the teachings of a dead order would lead her to was death.

She had said nothing, just stared at him a minute, making squirm in place and regret the words he’d just spoken. And then she walked away. Turned her back on him and just left. The jungle might have a few less trees in it today, after he burned off his rage that she would dare to give him that level of disrespect.

He opted to give her today off. More for himself than her, really. He needed another day to cool down, and to think things through. So he’d put space between the two of them, taking a dunk in the cool water of the waterfall’s pool and and a morning laying around in the fine mist, watching as the rays of sunlight breached the canopy and refracted through the mist in delicate rainbows.

His thoughts were far more devious than serene. It might be time to push back, push back hard. Time to make her angry, to let her feel the darkness surge in her and get her to use it. It would be fairly easy to push the right buttons. She wouldn’t forgive him easily for leading her to it, but at this point she was angry at him half the time anyway, what’s a little more rage his direction if it helps her to understand how she can use the darkside if she finds it necessary?

Sighing, he got up, his damp shirt and pants clinging to his skin, to head back to the shuttle. If the opportunity arose tomorrow, he was going to see if he couldn’t manipulate it. One thing was for sure, he wasn’t going to let her walk away from him again. She was going to find out how stubborn he could be too.

 

 

* * *

 

  


Her jaw clenched as she struggled to catch her breath. He was circling her now, dark eyes focused on her with such intensity it was almost frightening.

“Try it again,” he said, his voice firm. “Now.”

She felt her hands clench into fists as she glared at him, the log, a massive corpse of one of the giant trees of this jungle, lay where it had been when she started. At best she caused it to vibrate a little. The weight of her failure and embarrassment that she failed in front of _him_ once again seemed to be even more oppressive than the weight of the log. And there he was looming over her, demanding again.

Gods he reminded her of Luke right now, the way he was in those first few weeks. Those brutal weeks that had been a nonstop push and drive, with Luke’s blue eyes cutting through her as she failed again and again and he demanded she continue until she succeeded. And once she succeeded the reward was just a demand to do something three times as difficult.

He would circle around her just like Kylo was doing now.

Kylo froze in place, anger spiking across the bond and she winced as she realized he’d followed her thoughts. “I’m nothing like him,” he spat.

The kriff he wasn’t. The only difference was Luke kept the emotional storm that surged and swirled within him under a heavy cloak of calm and control, keeping it from spiraling to the surface, most of the time anyway.

“Don’t ever compare me to that son of a bitch again,” Kylo growled.

She should let this go, it probably wasn’t worth it to push, but she couldn’t help herself, “It’s not my fault if I notice the obvious similarities in your teaching styles. Like how over kriffing bearing and demanding you both are.”

“Maybe if you’d accomplish something I wouldn’t have to keep demanding.”

It was her turn to growl, “Maybe you’re asking too much.”

He took a step towards her, eyes flashing, “I tried to help you, tried to show you another way to focus, but gods forbid you do anything contrary to what your precious _ex-_ master taught you. So if you want to be stubborn and cling to that fool’s teaching, fine, but you’re not quitting until you move that kriffing log.”

“Luke is still my master,” her heart was pounding in her ears, emotions hopping and skipping. She had agreed to come with Kylo because the Resistance had needed the data he’d been offering. It was the only reason she’d have ever left Luke.

Kylo snorted, “You betrayed him by coming with me, Rey. He’ll never understand.”

She closed her eyes tight, a spike of terror going through her as he voiced the fear that whispered to her at night. That Luke would never understand, never forgive her for leaving with Kylo, no matter what her intentions were and how much aid it had given the Resistance.

“He’s a bitter old fool. You will never be forgiven.”

“Go to hell,” she spat, whirling on her heels. “I’m done for today. Screw this, screw you.”

“Get your ass back here and try the kriff again,” his voice rumbled, low and ominous.

“Kriff you,” she glared over her shoulder as she started to walk back to the shuttle.

And suddenly she found herself flying backwards. She felt her back slam into his chest, his arms wrapping around her to keep her upright. His voice spoke into her ear, “You will continue until you succeed,” before spinning her to face the log and giving her a shove forward. She stumbled a few steps before turning to face him, teeth bared.

“I said I’m done.”

He crossed his arms, “I said you’re not. Now move the log.”

She growled, sending a force blast at him that he batted away like nothing, not even uncrossing his arms.

“That was pretty pathetic,” he laughed, scornfully. “Just a pathetic little scavenger from Jakku. What are you even doing trying, Rey? You’re no one, worthless.”

Her fists clenched as he pushed again, looking down, “That’s why no one ever wanted you, why they dumped you and never came back.”

The rage surged through her as she let out a small shriek, feeling some dark void in herself suddenly come to life as the rage fed it. Her head shot up to look at Kylo and she sent him flying, smashing into a tree. She took a single step towards him, body trembling, before spinning to face the log, raising her hand and sending it shooting through the air as if it was nothing. Trees shook and cracked as it slammed into them.

She whirled back at Kylo. He lay against the trunk of the tree, a grin on his face. As she stared at him she realized with dawning horror what he had just goaded her into. She slammed her eyes shut, taking deep breaths as she got herself back under control.

“You… you…” she sputtered as he climbed slowly to his feet, wincing in pain as he did so. Squinting off into the distance where the log had ended up.

“That was very good,” his voice was proud and fawning, she felt herself at risk of losing control again. Which might not be so bad if she got to throw the asshole into a tree again.

“You had no right…” she tried to ignore the burning sensation in her eyes. “You know I’m not comfortable with the darkside, and you didn’t give me a choice.”

“Oh please,” he waved a hand in annoyance, “I have every right. You were unable to succeed with your current training. I tried to give you a different approach and you refused, so it was time to try a third approach.” He smirked, “One that worked. But I had to lead you there, because your stubborn ass was not about to listen to reason.”

She shivered before turning on her heels and storming off into the jungle, looking to put distance between the two of them. Because if she had to keep looking at him she was either going to lose herself back to her rage or break down into an emotional mess, and the last thing she wanted right now was to expose more of her weakness in front of him.

Not entirely sure where she was heading, just away, she strode forward, head down and emotions roiling. Ashamed for letting herself be baited. Furious at him for the things he said knowing they would cut deep and drive her towards the dark.

She slammed into something, staggering back, feet tangling on a vine and falling backwards. A hand, dry and textured with smooth scales, wrapped around her wrist, holding her upright. The claws on the end of the three thick fingers clacking against each other.

Blood drained from her face as she looked up, following the green cloth of his robe up to where his face peered out of the dark blue of a hooded cloak. A smile broke across his reptilian face, revealing a mouth of sharp, needle-like teeth. A soft hiss escaped him as he reached up to pull down his glasses, those strange eyes looking straight into her own.

“Let me…” a wave of dizziness hit her as her surroundings dimmed. She reached for Kylo over the bond but he seemed as distant and faded as the rest of reality. Her voice faded to a whisper, “Let me go.”

_(*shiny child pretty child meet again*)_

She jerked hard again, panic growing as his grip remained firm, “What do you want?!”

He let out a hiss again, this one seemed almost like a laugh.

_(*tricky to track even burning so bright calm pretty one here to mark not to harm*)_

Oh, wasn't that the least settling thing she’d ever heard? She tried to concentrate a force blast at him, aiming to knock him away from her so she could run. But the force just swirled around him for a moment before vanishing, as if he was some black hole sucking the power in. He seemed to shiver and his pupils narrowed to the thinnest sliver of black.

_(*such a tasty thing could drink you dry savor the light in your veins do not tempt me took my oath long ago*)_

“I don't understand you,” she felt her anger rising and for a second the world seemed to regain some of its vibrance. Then she felt calmness press over her mind like a smothering blanket. The world dimmed again.

_(*calm do not tempt the darkness*)_

He extended his free hand, gently tapping one thick black claw to her forehead.

_(*had to tell where but never promised to not tell you too curious to let it end here you and your balance so interesting*)_

A jolt of pain shot through her head, starting from the point his claw touched and radiating slowly through her head. He let go as she pulled back, tripping, falling.

_(*they are coming for you pretty child you and the dark one time to leave*)_

Her eyes opened with a gasp, confused as she looked around the empty jungle. Had she been unconscious? Had it been real?

A soft throb in her mind, still radiating from the point where the alien had touched her forehead seemed to indicate it had.

_Rey?_

Kylo’s voice had never been this welcome in her head. Concern and apprehension was radiating across to her. The anger at him had dissipated, replaced by a need to find him, tp be where she knew she’d be safe. She began to run back towards the shuttle as she replied. Not sure of how to even explain what had taken place to him.

_I… something happened..._

A faint sound of ships cutting through the air had her skidding to a halt, peering through the canopy at the sky above. Far above her she faintly could see the transport and TIE fighters as they passed by. The tension on the other end of the bond told her Kylo was aware of them too.

The alien’s words slipped to the front of her mind. **_They are coming for you_ **

Could he had been warning her? Breaking into a run again she pulled out her saber, igniting the blue blade to slash a path through the brush and foliage.

She needed to find Kylo now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, the fluff and truce of the last chapter couldn't last, I'm sorry to say. They reverted back to irritating the shit out of each other. 
> 
> But we should get some "oh shit common enemy to fight against" bonding coming up. Heh.
> 
> Yes, our reptilian friend made a comeback. He really is kind of creepy, isn't he? It won't be the last we see of him. 
> 
> XOXO for comments and kudos.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something black dropped from the trees, slamming into him and knocking his saber out of his grip. It sparked on the ground before going out, all while he was slammed back into a tree, a large serrated blade pressed up against his throat. The body pressed against his was tall and lithe and clearly female. He could feel the armor under her robes as he looked up to stare at the black mask, flat and smooth aside from the tinted transparisteel eye slit. Her head cocked slightly as she looked at him.
> 
> Taking a deep breath, ignoring the way it made the blade scratch against his throat, he stared calmly into the eye slits, “Hello, Kita.”
> 
> The pressure of the blade on his neck increased slightly as she reached up with one hand and pulled her mask off, long black hair flying up as it pulled free from the helmet, flowing back down to pool over her shoulders. Her face was pale, long, with pronounced cheek bones. Light blue eyes looked out of shadowed eye sockets.
> 
> Dropping the mask to the ground, she placed her free hand next to his head, a small, smug smile playing across her face, “Hello, Kylo.” Her head cocked to the side, eyes studying his face, “Apparently you’ve been a bad boy. Supreme Leader is pissed at you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay. I usually swap between this work and my other WIP Snare, but I wanted to keep going with another chapter on Snare before I went back to work on this.
> 
> That said, hey, 3800 word chapter, so at least it's a long one!

He hadn't stopped her when she stormed away. She was angry. He had purposely made her angry. And with her emotions still on edge she was a powder keg that could go off and strike out again. Her going by herself to cool down was probably optimal.

Picking up the few things of theirs scattered around the clearing, he wandered over to look at the path of destruction she had wrought with the log. The force she'd thrown it with had sent it ripping through the jungle had left a wide swatch of broken trees and shorn vegetation. Large splinters of wood littered the ground from where parts of the log or the trees it had torn through had shattered off.

It was impressive. So had been the power of the blast she'd hit him to send him flying into the tree. He'd been able to wrap the force around himself to act as a buffer, but he’d still smashed into that tree hard. His body already felt like it had been mauled by a rancor.

There was something about her, about how her light and dark melded together. She was a creature of the light, there was never any doubt about that. Her light was blindingly strong as was her views and choices that were driven by compassion for others. But cracks of darkness wove through that light. Cracks made of insecurities, cracks formed by wounds to her psyche from her abandonment and years of abuse on Jakku. Those cracks could grow and shrink somehow without damaging her true nature of the light. At least when she used them in small bursts, anyway. Longer than that maybe they would, though he had no intention of finding that out.

He touched the bond and found her shields up, not that he was expecting anything else. All he really needed right now was to brush up against her presence and know that she was physically fine. It wasn’t likely she was going to be talking to him when she made it back to the ship. But that was something he was expecting.

Which was why he was going to go back to the ship, make dinner for both of them, and find as many ways as possible to be gracious and thoughtful about her while she went about trying to ignore him. Mostly because it would irritate the druk out of her.

Only Rey could make being nice to her a subtle act of petty revenge. He probably.feel more like an ass for it, but it’s not like her ignoring him and refusing to talk to him wasn’t petty and childish too.

Heading back to the shuttle, lost in his own thoughts, he almost didn’t feel the strangely faded feeling of Rey grasping across the bond for him. Freezing in place, he reached out for her but she seemed… distant, faded.

_Rey?_

Nothing, not even a vibration back across to him. His fists clenched and his heart began to pound. Opening his mind he reached out, feeling for her with the force. He found her, but even her force signature seemed to be strangely muffled, all he could get was a general sense of direction she was from him.

He also felt something else. Two other sentient signatures.

One was… strange. That was the only way to describe it. It felt-- light-- definately lightside of the force, but light in a way he had never felt. The energy was confused and almost murky, transformed slightly from what it should be.

The other-- the other was heavily masked. He barely made it out at all. Only another force user could mask a signature like that.

Breaking into a run towards the general direction he could feel Rey, he used his saber to cut through the overgrowth of jungle and clear his path. Frustration growing at his inability to pinpoint her location.

Suddenly a wave of shock and confusion emanated across the bond, her presence back to full strength. Her force signature strengthened as well, he pivoted, heading directly where he could feel her to be.

_Rey?_

_I… something happened…_ her voice was a welcome relief, even with the fear and confusion he could feel from her.

A faint sound caught his attention and he halted and backed up to find a spot where he could see through the canopy. Looking up just in time to see the ships, still at high altitude, cutting across the sky. TIE fighters and transports. The rising fear from Rey told him she’d spotted them too.

He held his breath for a few seconds. The Order had found them.

He spun, about to break into a run. They didn’t have a lot of time, he and Rey had to get to the shutt--

Something black dropped from the trees, slamming into him and knocking his saber out of his grip. It sparked on the ground before going out, all while he was slammed back into a tree, a large serrated blade pressed up against his throat. The body pressed against his was tall and lithe and clearly female. He could feel the armor under her robes as he looked up to stare at the black mask, flat and smooth aside from the tinted transparisteel eye slit. Her head cocked slightly as she looked at him.

Taking a deep breath, ignoring the way it made the blade scratch against his throat, he stared calmly into the eye slits, “Hello, Kita.”

The pressure of the blade on his neck increased slightly as she reached up with one hand and pulled her mask off, long black hair flying up as it pulled free from the helmet, flowing back down to pool over her shoulders. Her face was pale, long, with pronounced cheek bones. Light blue eyes looked out of shadowed eye sockets.

Dropping the mask to the ground, she placed her free hand next to his head, a small, smug smile playing across her face, “Hello, Kylo.” Her head cocked to the side, eyes studying his face, “Apparently you’ve been a bad boy. Supreme Leader is _pissed_ at you.”

“Is he now?” he answered, remaining calm as he built up his shields, both his frontal defenses as Kita brushed lightly against the surface of his mind, and the ones around the bond. He felt Rey press lightly against his shields in response, confused.

“Mmmm hmmmm,” she lifted her leg, pressing her knee against his hip, pushing her crotch against his. “You know, that whole disobeying orders thing. And the betrayal thing. And he wasn’t so happy about Brayandt Ren’s demise.”

“That’s too bad, I was quite happy about Brayandt’s demise,” he said, almost conversationally. Somehow tamping back his impatience and his anxiety about getting to Rey. “Severing him limb from limb is still a memory that nearly always puts me in a good mood.”

Kita laughed, a dark and almost musical sound. “I’m not going to pretend I’m mourning that prick.” She tossed her head, studying him thoughtfully, “What were you even thinking? Skipping off with a lightsider? Feeding the enemy Order secrets? I hope this wasn’t just about getting your dick wet, silly boy. You know I was always available for that?”

He narrowed his eyes as he studied her. She was fishing right now, skimming his mind for stray thoughts that might slip through as she baited him. It was impossible to tell what her endgame was here, which in a way was a relief. If she wanted him dead or intended to capture him they wouldn’t still be talking right now. No, she had her own agenda at the moment, whatever the hell that might be.

“You wouldn’t understand what this is about,” his voice fell flat of any emotion.

“Wouldn’t I?” she smirked, moving her hand over to trace her finger along the outline of his ear. “The consensus among most of the Knights is that were led astray by that lightsider and her tight little cunt. I’d say there’s more too it than _just_ that. Especially after watching that little show she gave earlier. You’re Jedi girl is a powerful little bitch, isn’t she?”

His eyes flashed as his anger rose, mostly at himself. How long had she been here without him noticing her? Even as good as he knew she was at masking herself, it was sloppy of him. “How long have you been here?”

She shrugged, amusement in her eyes as she picked up on his aggravation, “A few hours. I was a short jump away when the alert was sent with your location.”

“I’m sure you were a good girl, and told them you were here?” he asked, already knowing that there was no way in hell she had. She gave amused snort and he smirked, “Or not. How did they find us?”

“No kriffing idea. I lost your trail after whatever drukhole port you were in that you traumatized that poor pathetic attendant.”

He took a deep breath, so Snoke was sending the Knights out now to track them.

“Well, it’s not like you didn’t know that was going to happen,” she cocked her head. He frowned and reinforced his shields. He wasn’t being careful enough if he let that thought slip through.

“So, back to your little Jedi…” she hummed a moment, grinding up against him again briefly as she thought. “She’s kind of a cute little thing, but no piece of ass would be worth what you sacrificed. But she showed quite a bit of potential today, didn’t she?” She lifted her free hand up and brushed her thumb across his lips, “You always were a forward thinker, weren’t you?”

His lips twitched into something like a smile, “What do you want, Kita? If you were going to kill me you’d have gorged my throat out the moment you put this knife to my neck. And if you were going to try to capture me you would have knocked me out first and chatted later.”

“Are you sure about that?” her blue eyes squinted at him. He smirked at her and she rolled her eyes, “Snoke wants you both alive. Maybe I just want to meet your little Jedi?”

There was a flash of blue light, and a lightsaber blade appeared next to the left side of Kita’s throat, “Let him go.”

Kita glanced down at the lightsaber blade, and raised her eyebrows, “And there she is. Aren’t you going to introduce us?” She glanced over her shoulder to rake her eyes up and down Rey twice.

He flicked his eyes at Rey, _shield your mind._ A tiny flicker of emotion crossed her face and then was gone into the cold calmness she was cloaked under.

“Kita Ren, this is Rey. Rey, this is Kita Ren.”

Rey just glared, “I said let him go.”

“Mmmm hmmm… I heard you the first time, little girl,” Kita answered, smirking over her shoulder at Rey. “I don’t give any more of a kriff the second time.” She pressed the blade against his neck hard enough for the skin to break in a few spots, beads of blood rising from them. “You want to try to make a go of it without him around to protect you? You’ll be in chains at Snoke’s feet in no time.”

The blue blade moved closer to Kita’s neck, Rey’s eyes narrowing, “You’re not going to kill him. Snoke wants us alive, I heard you say it.”

The light blue eyes squinted slightly, “Did you now. Hmm.”

In a blur of movement the knife pulled away from his throat as Kita spun right, ducking to dodge the blue blade as Rey slashed it after her. Catching Rey’s wrist she twisted hard, forcing the lightsaber from her grasp before dropping her shoulder and flipping the girl over her back.

He turned and called his lightsaber, thumbing it to life and spinning to where Kita now had Rey pinned down, straddling her chest and pinning Rey's arms with her knees. She held the knife against his girl’s throat. Holding his saber at low guard, he stalked forward, “Off of her,” he growled.

Kita ignored him, leaning down to stare intently into Rey’s wide and frightened eyes, “You don’t seem quite as sure I’m not going to kill you now, do you?” She smirked, “You’re cute when you’re scared, little Jedi.” Rey flashed her teeth in a snarl and Kita laughed.

“I said off,” he took another step forward.

“She’s cute when she’s angry, too. I guess I can see some of naive innocent girl appeal.” Kita reached her free hand down and tapped the pad of her index finger on the tip of Rey’s nose. The resulting snarl brought a new wave of laughter. “I wouldn’t mind spending some nights showing her a few new things.”

“Kita,” his voice got colder. He didn’t know what Kita’s agenda was, but as he heard the sounds of approaching stormtroopers, he was out of time and patience.

Blue eyes rolled his direction before she sprang off Rey in a back flip, sheathing her knife as she landed and taking several steps back. “Little Jedi still needs a lot more training,” she winked, holding her hand out and calling her helmet to her. The sound of approaching ships grew louder. “You two might want to get going.”

He reached a hand down to Rey as Kita turned and bolted into the trees, vanishing into the overgrowth. “We’ve got to go, now, before they get between us and the shuttle.”

“What the hell was that about?” Rey growled as she let him pull her up, calling her saber to her as she rose.

“With Kita? Who the kriff knows?” He turned and began slashing as direct of a route as he could to the shuttle, Rey following behind him.

“I wish I had my saberstaff,” she muttered. He could feel her glaring at his back in annoyance that he’d been insisting she use his grandfather’s saber and master Shii Cho before he started training her some of the forms suitable for a double saber.

The broke out into the clearing with the shuttle to have blaster fire fly over their heads, six stormtroopers were charging out of the jungle. Ducking down, they bolted into a sprint as he triggered the shuttle hatch open. Rushing on board, he headed straight for the cockpit, leaving Rey to handle shutting the door before joining him. He slammed himself into the pilot’s chair, ramping the engines quickly. After a moment Rey stumbled into the cockpit, collapsing into the co-pilot’s chair and activating the shields. As they began to ascend, the ship shuddering as the shields deflected the blaster bolts, he tapped a few keys and there was a thrumming hum as he send power to the cloaking device, activating it the moment the ship cleared the the tree line.

Several TIE fighters swooped by past them before joining formation and rising into the atmosphere. Rey glanced over at him, “They really can't see us?”

“Right now, no. But they will see the heat signature when we begin to breach the atmosphere. That's why they went up. They're waiting for us.” He glanced at her, “Strap in.”

He angled the ship and gunned the thrusters, hoping to escape the atmosphere as quickly as possible. A hard vibration strummed through the shuttle walls and floor under the combined strain of the atmosphere and their speed. The TIEs swooped back towards them, opening fire, the shuttle rocking hard.

Both he and Rey let out a relieved breath as they emerged into open space. The TIEs began to fire in wide spreads, trying to keep track of the once again invisible ship through their weapons making contact.

A First Order battlecruiser loomed towards them as they were rocked by TIEs’ laser cannons. He hovered his hand over the jump activation, waiting for them to be clear of the planet’s gravity well.

The battlecruiser was powering up its weapons, but he could see already that they wouldn't be charged in time. A small smile twisted across his lips as the sensors flashed that it was now safe jump. He brought his hand down and let relief wash over him as they entered hyperspace.

 

* * *

 

The two of them sat at the galley table in silence, she was cleaning the cuts on Kylo’s neck and treating them with bacta salve. They were tiny, but there were several of them. He’d tried to protest they weren’t nearly bad enough to need to be bothered with. She had growled at him to sit down and shut the kriff up as she slammed the medkit on the table. Neither of them had said anything since.

She broke the silence as she repacked the medkit, “What, exactly, did that Knight want? She didn’t seem to be part of the rest of the force the First Order sent in.”

Kylo frowned, shaking his head, “I’m not sure of much of what to make of that encounter, but I’m certain she hadn’t bothered to report to anyone that she was going there.”

Frowning, trying to keep the shame she was feeling at how easily the woman had bested her from slipping through over to Kylo, she repeated her first question, “What did she want?”

Sighing and rubbing his eyes, he shook his head. “Kita tends to operate with her own agenda, so it’s hard to say what exactly her endgame is. She might just be trying to satisfy her curiosity. Next time we see her she could just as easily be going for capture or kill, so don’t trust her to behave the same way.” He paused, “Did she get anything from your mind?”

“I… don’t think so?”

Kylo raised his eyebrows and she brought her hand up to rub her forehead, heat rushing to her cheeks, “I think she might have managed to push through for a split second when she--”, she took a breath and gritted her teeth, “--when she had me pinned down. Otherwise she was always just skimming the surface, I don’t think much slipped through.”

He shook his head at her, “Rey, Kita is very very good at what she does. You had absolutely no chance against her in a fight.” Brown eyes met hers and she found a cool intensity in them as he spoke next, “At least not _yet_. If you’d quit fighting me and be willing to kriffing learn we might be able to remedy that.”

She broke away from his gaze and stared at the table. He was right, but she didn’t think she could take thinking about that, or thinking about what giving in and accepting him as a teacher meant for her. “What was she even looking to find in my head?” she mumbled the question.

“If she wasn’t lying, and keep in mind that the ‘if’ in there is pretty paramount, prevailing theory among the Knights is that you actively seduced me into betraying Snoke and the First Order.”

The incredulousness of that made her look up at him, mouth open, fighting back a laugh, “ _What?_ ”

“Well, you did sort of seduce me,” he added, looking highly amused as she snorted at his words. “Not actively or purposely, but you did.”

She really hoped the look she was giving him was suitably annoyed. Even knowing he could _feel_ her annoyance right now, she still hoped that the look matched it.

He waved a hand, “I’m pretty sure she didn’t believe that was what happened already. I suspect she was actually trying to get a feel for you more than anything. She knows me and she suspects a few things but doesn’t really know why I’ve done what I did. You’re a piece of the equation she really has no knowledge of, and if she’s going to figure out my reasons and future intentions, she needs to understand you.”

Looking down and shifting in her seat, she felt a wave of agitation, “She knows you… well?”

His eyebrows raised and she could feel a tinge of his amusement floating over the bond, “You could say that.”

“Oh.” She didn’t bother to look up, she didn’t need to. She could feel his kriffing smirk, which just made her agitation grow. “Stop it, it’s not like I care who you’ve kriffed in the past.”

He just hummed, the feelings of affection towards her growing. Her ears burned as she realized how cute he thought she looked right now.

“It’s not my fault you’re adorable when you’re jealous,” he said, affectionately.

“I’m not jealous,” she tried to keep the edge out of her voice, to make herself sound calm and reasonable.

He seemed to decide to let it go, “You haven’t told me what happened to you.”

She leaned her chin onto her hands, trying to figure out how to explain what had happened, “I saw the alien again, the one I saw on Ethor.”

Kylo’s eyes flashed with alarm, “The reptilian?” She nodded, realizing that she was rubbing the spot on her forehead his claw had tapped and dropping her hand down. Her hands were enveloped by Kylo’s, “I need you to tell me everything. What happened, what was said.”

Some of it seemed to already be getting foggy, but she did her best, Kylo looking more and more concerned as she spoke. When she explained about how he’d almost seemed to absorb her force blast, his breath hitched for a moment, worry etching into his features.

When she finished, he looked down thoughtfully, “So he found _you_ , and he alerted the Order. Or alerted Snoke and Snoke alerted the Order. That’s probably more likely, something like this thing is more likely to be something Snoke knows than the greater whole of the First Order.”

“This thing? Do you know who or what it is?”

Kylo looked at her, chewing his bottom lip a moment before getting to his feet, “I’ll be right back.”

“Why? What?”

He didn’t answer, vanishing into his cabin and coming back with a very large bound book, a real book, made of real flimsi, under his arm. Setting it on the table with a thud, he pulled it open and began to flip through the pages, “The author of this was kind of an eccentric. He spent years studying what he called ‘abnormal’ force users. Concentrating on species or sects that didn’t fit into the traditional light and dark dichotomy. I brought it with because of the Grey Jedi sections.”

Finding the page he was looking for, he opened the book flat on the table and turned it to her so she could see, tapping an illustration, “Is this what he looked like?” She stared at it. The creature in the drawing didn’t wear robes, exposing a short tail she couldn’t see on her alien stalker, but other than that there was no doubt it was the same. The creature in the drawing had it’s mouth open, exposing the mouthful of sharp, needle teeth. She could almost hear a hiss coming from the mouth of it.

She ran her finger over the caption, her heart fluttering, stomach unsettled.

_Figure 34.1.3-b: Light Eater._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh, Knights of Ren are fun characters to create. I'm pretty sure this isn't the last we'll see of Kita Ren, and honestly she could become a real bitch of an enemy or a possible ally in the future, or alternate between being a friend or an enemy depending on the situation.
> 
> Poor Rey is really not happy with how quickly she got her ass handed to her. It might help her face the fact that she is going to need to buck up and deal with the fact that she can learn from Kylo. Oh, and sure you aren't jealous about anyone Kylo's been with in the past, Rey. 
> 
> Our reptilian friend's species is entirely out of my own head. They're very much "abnormal" force users and we'll learn more about them in the next chapter, at least what Kylo's book says about them. We'll learn more eventually about this specific one who's stalking Rey.
> 
> Hugs and kisses for the comments and kudos.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She tapped the drawing, “So what exactly are these things?”
> 
> Kylo shifted uncomfortably, “Like I said, keep in mind that you can’t really trust everything he says--”
> 
> “Kylo!” she snapped.
> 
> He frowned, “They’re _abnormal_ light force users, in that they don’t actually tap into the force on their own. Instead they gain access to it by feeding on it and storing it.”
> 
> She stared, “How does one feed on the force?”
> 
> “There were multiple ways, I guess… they could absorb or drink or whatever the hell you’d call it, strong manifestations of the lightside… so nexus points… or focused manifestations a light force user might generate.”
> 
> She paled slightly, “Did that thing _eat_ my force blast?”
> 
> He paused, fidgeting nervously, and then shrugged, “Probably?”
> 
> Something about the thought of that made her feel ill. And she had a feeling there was more that Kylo was skirting around right now, “How else did they feed?”

“Light Eater?” she looked up from the book.

“It’s what Joruic called them, anyway,” Kylo shrugged, a frown on his face.

“Joruic?” her eyes darted back down to stare at the drawing. It was hard to imagine something called a Light Eater was going to mean anything good.

“The author. I don’t think it’s clear if he got the name from his research or if he just gave them one of his own. His writing is not the most trustworthy, he had a tendency to embellish and rarely declared his sources.”

She tapped the drawing, “So what exactly are these things?”

Kylo shifted uncomfortably, “Like I said, keep in mind that you can’t really trust everything he says--”

“Kylo!” she snapped.

He frowned, “They’re _abnormal_ light force users, in that they don’t actually tap into the force on their own. Instead they gain access to it by feeding on it and storing it.”

She stared, “How does one _feed_ on the force?”

“There were multiple ways, I guess… they could absorb or drink or whatever the hell you’d call it, strong manifestations of the lightside… so nexus points… or focused manifestations a light force user might generate.”

She paled slightly, “Did that thing _eat_ my force blast?”

He paused, fidgeting nervously, and then shrugged, “Probably?”

Something about the thought of that made her feel ill. And she had a feeling there was more that Kylo was skirting around right now, “How else did they feed?”

For a few seconds he didn’t answer, and she was very close to blasting her agitation with him straight into his head over the bond. Then, finally, he spoke, “They hunted light force users. That was their primary way to feed.”

She stared at him a minute before looking back at the drawing, “How-- how exactly--”

“This is starting to get into the really sketchy stories, but supposedly they could feed off a light force users blood. Once they chose their prey they could track them across systems, like a force signature bloodhound. It’s also claimed they had some mind control powers, the ability to force a calmness over their prey… Joruic speculated that while this could be a way to subdue, it might have also been a way to keep their prey from slipping in their fear towards the darkside of the force and tainting the light.”

For a moment she stared, almost in horror, before shaking her head, “This is sounding kind of crazy.”

He shrugged, “It gets crazier, Joruic wrote they also had the ability to create elaborate illusions, both by pulling their prey into dreamscapes…” She paled slightly, it certainly seemed like she had been pulled into a dream each time she’d encountered this creature, she swallowed as Kylo continued, “...and also the ability to create a false reality-- this is where I really doubt any of this-- they could pull their prey completely into these illusions, physically into them. One of the stories was of a Jedi padawan in the days of the old Republic-- he claimed to have been imprisoned in such an illusionary world. He described it as if he was existing in a dream, his mind foggy but the illusion was not unpleasant, aside from being regularly having his blood harvested Light Eater that held him to feed.”

“They would trap people so they could harvest their blood like milking a kriffing bantha?”

“Sometimes, supposedly,” he shook his head, “like I said, some of these claims seem sketchy. Joruic has a lot more evidence of them just hunting and killing lightsiders to feed.”

“That’s not particularly comforting either,” she looked down at the illustration and shivered. “But this thing, he has had several chances to kill me if he wanted to. And he said… well everything he’s said is cryptic as kriff but he did say something the first time about swearing off the hunt. He seemed to almost lament that he wasn’t able to--” she felt her face contort slightly, “wasn’t able to eat me I guess.”

Kylo rubbed his eyes, “I’m not about to trust anything this thing says. And I think Snoke’s used him to track you in order to find us. And at least for now, from what Kita said, Snoke still wants us alive.”

She bit her lip, that was another question gnawing at her, “Why? Why not just kill us?”

The way Kylo stiffened did not make her think she was going to like the answer. “I don't know. He might want you as leverage over me to be a good boy and go back to serving him. He might just want to watch me die slowly and wants to try to turn you. Or He might want to torture and kill you as a way to extend my suffering before he kills me.”

“Oh.” Well, had she really been expecting something else?

“Snoke is unpredictable when he’s in a good mood.”

“Yeah, he seems charming.”

Kylo reached across the table and took one of her hands in his. She looked down at it, marveling for a moment at how his hand was able to practically swallow hers. “Rey, I’m about to say something, and you're not going to like it. But hear me out before you start to protest.”

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and he sighed, looking down at her hand in his before looking up, “You need to learn to use the dark side. And you need to learn to use it well.”

 

* * *

 

He felt the tension shoot through as she pulled back, wrenching her hand out of his. “Let me finish…”

“I'm not-”

“Rey, let me finish!” he snapped. Why did she have to fight him constantly? “These--” he waved his hand down at the illustration, “--these things are oblivious to the light side of the force, if anything, trying to use the light side strengthens them.”

She crossed her arms across her chest and glowered, but stayed quiet.

“But they are vulnerable to the darkside. There’s a reason why he never approached you while I was around.”

Keeping quiet didn't last long, “Do we even know that for sure? You said the information wasn't trustworthy.”

“When you started to get angry, before you felt a calm forced on you, you said it seemed like the dimness of reality around you started to reverse and it got brighter.” She frowned at him, “You started to break whatever hold he had that was pulling you into the illusion or dreamscape or whatever the kriff it was. Because you were edging towards the darkside in your anger.”

“Does it even matter if he can just force me back to a passive state like he did?” she was staring at the wall, refusing to even look at him.

He took a deep breath, fighting the rising agitation. When his girl got stubborn like this it was like reasoning with child who refused to listen, “We’re going to work on that too. You need to get more resistant to mind control.” She continued to stare at the wall. “Rey, please, look at me.”

Her frown deepened but she turned her head, “I need you to learn how to access the darkside of the force and use it if needed. That’s it. So if our friend shows up again you can break free of his hold on you and hit him with a force blast that he isn’t immune to. But that means you need to learn a sophisticated level of control to tap and harness it in those moments.” Reaching over he grasped her hands again, his large hands enveloping her small ones, “Let me teach you so you can protect yourself.”

For a few seconds she stared down at his hands before lifting her head up and meeting his eyes. She nodded.

He let out a breath he hadn’t even been aware he was holding in. “Okay. Good.”

They sat silently for a few minutes, before she broke the silence, “So where are we headed now?”

He hummed to himself, “To hit a few ports to start with. Refuel and restock.”

“Can you avoid terrifying port attendants this time?” She raised her eyebrows to stare at him pointedly.

“I don’t know, can you avoid flirting with any of them?” he let go of her hands, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning back, a small smirk on his lips.

“I was talking, not flirting!” she mimicked his body language, crossing her arms and leaning back, huffing her chest out. Her lips twitched with a laugh she was trying to hold in.

“No, dear. You were most definitely flirting.”

She pulled her bottom lip with her teeth, “Maybe I smiled coyly at him a few times.”

He dipped his chin to his chest and raised his eyebrows as he looked down at her.

“It kept him talking.”

“Oh, I’m sure it did.”

“Your behavior was still unacceptable,” she tossed her chin up as she met his stare.

He rocked himself from side to side as he hummed before shrugging, “Probably.”

A small smirk crossed her face before she looked down a minute, “After we restock, what then?”

Thinking a minute, he glanced down at the book on the table before pulling it over to him, “I was thinking…” he paused, “it might be a bit of a wild bantha chase…”

His mind fretted as he flipped through the book. It probably was a bad idea to go running off into the unknown on some kind of adventure, not when trouble was already finding them way too easy. And even considering searching for anything based on the contents of _this_ book of all things was even more ridiculous given how untrustworthy the information was…

Rey squinted at him as he let the book fall open, leaning over to read the chapter title, “Between the Dark and the Light: The Grey Exiles.” She glanced at him, “Grey Jedi?”

“Joruic likes to be overly verbose in his titles,” he said as he nodded. “Pretty much most texts agree on the fact that they were exiled from the old Jedi order and some of the exiles joined together to form their own force sect, defining their own rules and code. Joruic claims that the sect was driven out to wild space after being targeted by both Jedi and Sith who both viewed them as a threat. The sect spread and became a dominant order within the confines of wild space. This lasted a few millennia, until the Great Galactic War came and both sides were venturing into wild space looking for resources. Repeat clashes with both Jedi and Sith weakened the Grey Jedi.” He paused, “If he’s to be believed, Joruic ventured into wild space searching for information and documented the ruins of three different Grey Jedi temples.”

Glancing up, he found Rey looking at him thoughtfully, “You want to look for these temples?”

He looked away, “It might be a bad idea, there’s no other real documentation that these things exist… and wild space, it would mean going into the unknown. Most of the territory there is uncharted and it’s far from safe.”

“Do you know where you can scavenge the most valuable parts, Kylo?” He looked up at her to find a small smile on her face. When he squinted at her quizzically she continued, “A wreck that no one else has found yet. It’s always risky because you don’t know where there might be dangers, where the floor might give out or where a handhold isn’t secure. But you take that risk and you get to reap the rewards.”

He smiled, “Is this your way of telling me that you like this idea?”

“I mean, do we have anything better to do? Wander aimlessly around known space or wander slightly less aimlessly around unknown space?” she shrugged. “Even if we find nothing, it’s not like it’s costing us anything other than fuel we were already going to burn.”

His smile morphed into a grin, “Okay. I guess we’ve got a plan.”

 

* * *

 

For one old enough, history became a loop on replay. The rise of the light and the fall of the dark. The rise of the dark and the fall of the light. Same characters played by different actors, the Jedi and Sith had dominated the age old battle for thousands of years, but before that there were others. Now after the fall of those two, new orders were coalescing and rising, but they were still acting out the same play.

But then the pretty child. The pretty child who shined with the the light so bright it was stunning. It had been a long time since he found himself struggling with his oath, but that light, oh, he could taste it as it swirled around her. So potent and pure.

Such a shiny bright thing, she was lucky there were few of his kind left to stalk her. Such a prize it would be to keep her for harvest in the space between. Though she’d be a difficult one, because she was filled with light but touched with darkness. Darkness that could flare and break the hold, shatter the world created for her.

And the dark one, who she was bound to… he was the perfect balance to her, a darkness that wrapped around him like a cloak, yet with just a touch of light. In the union they created together, they rippled through the force with a potency that was unrivaled by anything he’d seen before.

So curious. He was intrigued to see how the new script the galaxy was providing might play out.

He meditated, his body residing on his ship while his mind floated in the void beneath the physical world. Already he loathed the old debt that now forced him to interfere in events he should only be observing. A blood debt earned before he had found his current path, before he had sworn himself to watch and record, an observer and no longer a player. Worse yet was how he found himself enjoying being so close to events, to find himself a part of them instead of watching from outside. It was as much an offense to the doctrine he had given himself to as it would be to taste the shiny little one and drink the life force from her veins.

A vibration brought him out of the void into his body. The ship hummed again, as it vibrated around him. The smooth grey walls shifted as he hissed, responding to the incoming signal. The wall shimmered and he stared at the old, broken face before him.

Not as old as he, no, but old, yes. Both of them had seen centuries pass.

“Absk,” the voice was smooth, almost silky. Oh, he hated that voice, “My old friend.”

_Friend_. He bit back rising contempt as he stared silently at the being on the screen. Snoke was what he called himself now.

“The two I seek were able to escape. I’m afraid until this is completed I can not consider our debt settled.” A smile that ebbed with darkness spread across his face, “I want to talk to this girl. Is this something that you could possibly arrange?”

He let out a hiss, detesting his continued interference. Concentrating to send his response through the distortions of the darkness that flowed even through the projection of the creature before him.

_(*possible yes yes but only speak meet in sleepscape myself as the tether*)_

“A dream? Yes, that would do,” a cold smirk crossed the creature’s face and the darkness swirled and trembled.

_(*time needed preparations to be made few weeks*)_

It was a lie. He had placed a mark on her. His mind could find hers, a pulsing beacon through space-time, anytime he pleased now. But he wanted more time to observe, to decide what was next.

“Fine, alert me when things are ready. I’m looking forward to meeting this girl I've heard so much about.”

The image shimmered out, the curved wall once again smooth grey metal.

Ahead he could feel his destination, a pulsation point of light in the void of space. He closed his eyes again, there was much to think about. Choices to be made. It may have not been his choice to interfere, but as he now found himself thrust into the middle of events as they played out, he fully intended to do so on his own terms. His _old friend,_ if he was half as wise as he thought himself to be, should have realized that.

The light approached, his ship sliding over the nexus, enveloping it. Waves of the light ebbed and flowed against the walls of his ship. He went to the fountain and drank. Drank until he was strong and sated.

Sated but not satisfied. The wells could sustain him, but they were nothing compared to the light flowing from the blood of a conduit.

But that had been the cost of the philosophy he had chosen to dedicate himself to. He hissed soothingly to himself as he found the shiny one’s mark shining through the vastness of space. He set a course, his mind telling the ship where he wished to go. He would watch for the next few weeks.

Watch, observe, and decide on his next action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This probably isn't how the force works, but it is now for this story. 
> 
> Our reptilian friend's name is Absk, at least that's what he'd go by in our tongue. 
> 
> Please note that I really don't know much of how Grey Jedi were in old canon, so other than the Grey Jedi code pretty much everything about them I'll be pulling out of my imagination. Or my ass, depending on how you look at it.
> 
> And so the adventures begin... more fun ahead.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was in a void. Nothingness, darkness, yet she could see even in the absence of light, the absence of anything. Turning, her skin tightening into gooseflesh as she looked around. She wasn’t alone. She knew it somehow.
> 
> Turning she saw him, it… looking at her calmly, yellow eyes and slit pupils. He regarded her calmly, a soft hiss escaping his mouth.
> 
> Looking around again, before turning to face him, she felt this was different, less real than the other times she had met him. A hiss of… approval? Came from him and he nodded, she frowned, “This is a dream. This isn’t… real.”
> 
> “It is real enough, girl,” a cold and silky voice spoke behind her and she spun to find a tall figure, face twisted and scarred approaching her through the void. He wore a robe of gold cloth, the wrinkled skin of his chest showing visible above where the cloth crossed. Shrewd blue eyes regarded her with a cold thoughtfulness, “The little scavenger, at last we meet.”
> 
> “Snoke,” she said, her voice almost a whisper as she stepped back. How was this possible? She took another step back but she hit the solid wall of the Light Eater, a thick, taloned finger touched her shoulder almost gently, as if to steady her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got something more written on this story. Been blocked for awhile on it. Hopefully it doesn't come out as too forced since I was really trying to push my way though to make some progress. On the plus side, I did slip in a tiny bit of one player smut.

Things had been fairly quiet the last few weeks. They’d bounced around a few ports in the Rim and the Reaches, stocking up heavily on supplies. Wild Space was mostly uncharted, so it was hard to say what they were going to find in the way of outposts and ports.

Kylo was being Kylo. He never let her leave his sight if she left the shuttle. Hovering by her till she wanted to scream. Despite the way it grated on her nerves she tolerated it, recognizing it was a demonstration of protectiveness more than possessiveness. It was a fine line between the two, but she did appreciate the difference.

They had been spending time working on resisting mind control as well as blocking mind invasion. It was frustrating, she was not good at fighting the fake state of calm Kylo would attempt force on her, and he was no master at the control technique. Gods knew if she couldn’t resist Kylo’s attempts she wouldn’t be able to resist that… thing’s… suggestions. Shielding from mind invasion, on the other hand, she was improving at, and this was something Kylo was very good at. Completely dislodging him from her mind was still outside if her ability, but she was becoming quite good at what Kylo called “shunting”- creating small heavily shielded pockets in your mind and moving thoughts and memories into them rapidly. As the intruder would attack the shields of one pocket, you would quickly shuffle the contents into another guarded pocket of your mind. He’d been pleased with her when she managed to keep him from getting the number she had picked before they started, though he warned her a small piece of information was a lot easier to protect than larger ones or memories.

She was cooperating, rather unhappily, with letting him teach some darkside meditation techniques that involved focusing on her anger, feeding it and letting it grow. It wasn’t coming easy to her. Anger wasn’t alien to her, but it came in a flash of emotion, not in a slow brooding simmer. Being able to invoke it and feed it when she needed it was not in her skill set.

Laying on the bed in her cabin, hair still damp from the shower, she found herself staring up at the ceiling. She had borrowed the book Kylo had showed her to read more on the Light Eaters and to look at the Grey Jedi sections, but it lay closed on the bed next to her. Reading about Light Eaters right before bed was not a good idea if she wanted to sleep, and she couldn’t seem to get her mind focused to look more into the Grey Jedi.

Instead her mind kept wanting to think about Kylo. With the new push of training the two of them were spending hours every day working closely with one another, and the last week she’d found herself more and more distracted from what she was supposed to be focusing on, instead finding herself almost fixating on some aspect of his features. His hair, the intensity eyes, his damn lovely pouty lips... how the scar she’d left across his cheek seemed to just strengthen his features. To make it worse he was aware of it, catching her attention back to the task at hand with his eyebrows raised an an almost smug amusement in those deep, dark, and beautiful eyes. _Kriffing_ bond made it hard to have any secrets.

She didn’t understand why she was so drawn to him. Why she had _always_ been drawn to him. Even when he had been his darkest and most terrifying, there had been a part of her that had been pulling towards him, curious and compassionate.

Maybe it had always just been the bond seeking to draw them back together. The bond that neither of them knew how it had come to be, only that it had been there already on Takadona, humming softly to life as they faced each other. Once, as children, they had to have met and forged the chain between them. Perhaps ever since the bond had been just waiting to bring it’s two pieces back together.

For a moment her mind flitted back to their encounter on Asic, when she had given into the desire and pull to him. How their minds had seemed to merge together till it was hard to tell where one of them ended and the other began. Even their breathing had become in sync with one another.

She flushed slightly at the memory of his mouth and hands on her skin. At how they became entangled in body, mind, and emotion. Feeling everything the other felt, every sensation doubling back as if in a feedback loop. A shudder went down her spine and she closed her eyes tightly in frustration, her hand slipping down below her waistband of her pants to brush against herself.

Gods she was wet. Hot and wet.

Jerking her hand back she blushed in realization that her end of the bond was more or less unshielded right now. Pausing she listened, passively, just brushing against it to feel for Kylo. She sighed, relieved, he was studying one of his books, distracted and in the near meditative state he got into when he was reading and taking notes. Probably one of the only things he could have been doing that he wouldn’t have been attuned to her emotions floating across to him.

Slowly she began to build up her mental walls around the bond, not wanting him to notice her shutting her end off tight. There were times he did this, walled himself off for a moment of privacy, and it wasn’t like she wasn’t aware what he was doing during the time he walled himself off. Why should she be so embarrassed to do the same thing?

Feeling secure that she was alone in her own head, she slipped her hand down again, brushing lightly at first before finding more firm strokes over her clit. It was the first time she had done this to herself, and it took a few minutes to find a rhythm. Touching herself the way he had once touched her in a dream, when he’d shown her exactly what sensation that little bundle of nerves could give.

_“You’ve never even touched yourself, have you, little one?”_

She huffed in distraction at the memory of his voice, cocky and arrogant, in her ear as she had practically mewled against him. Would it hurt her mind to not remember the part about him being a kriffing asshole and just focus on how it felt when he touched her?

Her hand and her hips were falling into a beat as her breath quickened into gasps. She let her memory slip to how it had felt when he had touched her for real. How he had suckled her nipples, lavishing each breast with attention that had left her moaning. How she had kissed down his chest, running her tongue over scars she had given him. How gentle he had been when he pushed inside of her, how he had filled and stretched her. How he had looked down at her as he stilled and let her adjust to him, not wanting to hurt her. And then the way he had looked down at her, something like adoration in his eyes as he brushed stray hair out of her face.

She was fast approaching an apex, soft moans escaped her and she tried to keep herself quiet. His cabin was just across from her and she didn’t think she could abide the embarrassment if he knew what she was doing.

_You are so kriffing beautiful_

As she remembered his words, spoken into her mind as he’d stared down at her, she fell apart, biting her hand to stifle the cries that tried to escape her. Falling limp on the bed she gasped for breath, exhausted but relieved and much more content than she had been in awhile. Closing her eyes she brushed against the bond, sensing him still in his research, still oblivious to her.

Hopefully she’d be able to keep any memories of _this_ away from him when she opened herself back up again. Otherwise the smug prick would become unbearable.

Laying back against the pillows she closed her eyes and drifted off.

 

* * *

 

She was in a void. Nothingness, darkness, yet she could see even in the absence of light, the absence of anything. Turning, her skin tightening into gooseflesh as she looked around. She wasn’t alone. She knew it somehow.

Turning she saw him, it… looking at her calmly, yellow eyes and slit pupils. He regarded her calmly, a soft hiss escaping his mouth.

Looking around again, before turning to face him, she felt this was different, less real than the other times she had met him. A hiss of… approval? Came from him and he nodded, she frowned, “This is a dream. This isn’t… real.”

“It is real enough, girl,” a cold and silky voice spoke behind her and she spun to find a tall figure, face twisted and scarred approaching her through the void. He wore a robe of gold cloth, the wrinkled skin of his chest showing visible above where the cloth crossed. Shrewd blue eyes regarded her with a cold thoughtfulness, “The little scavenger, at last we meet.”

“Snoke,” she said, her voice almost a whisper as she stepped back. How was this possible? She took another step back but she hit the solid wall of the Light Eater, a thick, taloned finger touched her shoulder almost gently, as if to steady her.

A cold smile crossed Snoke’s face before he looked past her to regard the reptilian, “So little effort in this dreamscape, my old friend? Surely you can do better?”

Behind her the Light Eater let out an annoyed hiss and waved a hand, the world around her shimmered in a dizzying blur of colors, and the void was gone, replaced by a room, comfortable chairs set around a low table. A tray with a teapot and cups sat in the middle. She turned to see the reptilian and nearly jumped to see his appearance had changed. A human with brown hair and broad features stood in his place, still wearing the dark green robe and navy cloak. His brown eyes regarded her and for a split second they flickered, changing to the yellow eyes with the slits of black in the center, and then just as fast they were human again. He winked at her, a tiny twist of a smile crossing his features before they fell flat again.

“Ah, a glamour even. I think my old friend likes you,” Snoke drawled as he sat in one of the chairs, “and this is far more acceptable, don’t you think, girl?.”

“ _Old friend,_ ” the Light Eater’s voice, now human, still had a low, hissing quality to it. There was contempt in the words he did not attempt to hide as he walked over to one of the chairs and sat, folding his hands together thoughtfully as he glanced between her and Snoke. There seemed to have been an unstated dislike of Snoke carried through those two words, a fact she noted in case she could make use of it later. His head cocked slightly at her and the corners of his mouth twitched like he was fighting a smile. Could he read her every thought?

She was pretty sure he winked at her again.

“Sit, girl, we have things to discuss,” Snoke waved at the chair across from him before picking up the teapot and pouring the contents into the cups. Glancing at the Light Eater and then to her, he let out a soft chuckle, “Absk either likes you or is contemplating consuming you. Or both.”

Tension rose through her body but she fought to remain calm, “Absk? Your name is Absk?”

He shrugged, “In this tongue.” Shaking his head, the brown eyes regarded her, “Calm child, took my oath. Do not feed from life, not anymore. The wells sustain me.”

“Pity, such devotion to a dead sect,” Snoke sipped at his cup of tea. “And such a _predator_ you were in your youth.”

“I live. I live, Order lives on,” he glanced at Snoke coldly. “Took my oath. Found purpose. I serve to watch, to record. May not interfere.”

Snoke looked at her again, “Sit, girl.”

She crossed her arms and didn’t move.

“You are a stubborn one, aren’t you?” Snoke frowned, his eyes flicking up and down her figure. “I look forward to the day I get to see that will break as you kneel before me.”

“I will never kneel before you,” she spat, coldly.

He ignored her, “Powerful as you are, I have found it hard to believe my apprentice could be swayed from his path by such a scrawny little thing as you. It has been such a curiousity how he could have fallen.”

For a second, his blue eyes seemed to stare through her, “Let us get straight to the point, _child_. I may not know how it came to be, but I know you and Kylo Ren are chained.”

She swallowed nervously and he smirked, “Yes, I know about the force bond. I know about it and because of this I may still find it in me to be merciful. Join me, child. Return Ren to me. And I will offer you everything you have ever wanted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick note, if there are any readers that didn't read Chained first, the two smut scenes Rey's remembering as she pleasures herself are [Chapter 23](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10850889/chapters/24094092) and [Chapter 26](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10850889/chapters/24094242)
> 
> I was originally think I was going to have a bit more filler before the dream meeting between Snoke and Rey, but given that I was having trouble writing anything, I just did a brief segway to that scene.
> 
> Love all of you who leave comments and kudos. :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sitting on the edge of the bunk, he looked at her, “Are you okay?”
> 
> She frowned, “Yes… no…” pausing, she looked at him questioningly, “Why are you close off from me?”
> 
> “I…” she was right, he realized, his walls were up. Flustering for a minute and using the time to hide some of his more recent memories away from where she could find them, “I must've fallen asleep with with my shields up.” He dropped them, the opening himself to the place where she lived in the back of his mind. She was agitated and afraid, he could feel it flowing across the bond in waves.
> 
> “Why were they up to begin with?” she asked, squinting at him. “They weren’t when I fell asleep.”
> 
> Ah, so, how to answer that question? Probably not with ‘I was taking care of myself after bond creeping you getting yourself off.’
> 
> “I needed a quiet moment,” he paused. “You were a bit closed off yourself.”
> 
> At least she had tried to… though she’d been trying to be too subtle about it so he wouldn’t notice and left more than a few holes to peek through. Though he shouldn’t have, he really shouldn’t have…
> 
> Rey blushed, “Yeah, um, I needed a moment.”

A frantic knocking startled him into consciousness. Sitting up, head bumping on the upper bunk, heart thudding in his chest.

“Kylo?”

“Rey?” He stumbled to his feet, crossing the small room and opening the door. She stood in the hallway, eyes slightly wild, hair still mussed from sleep. “What’s wrong?”

“It... “ she swallowed, “was a dream… but not just… and he...”

She wasn't making a lot of sense. “Take your time... Calm down and then tell me…” He took her arm and pulled her inside, pushing her on his task chair, turning the lights on dim. Heading back to his bunk he grabbed his pants off the floor, pulling them on over the briefs he’d been sleeping in. Sitting on the edge of the bunk, he looked at her, “Are you okay?”

She frowned, “Yes… no…” pausing, she looked at him questioningly, “Why are you close off from me?”

“I…” she was right, he realized, his walls were up. Flustering for a minute and using the time to hide some of his more recent memories away from where she could find them, “I must've fallen asleep with with my shields up.” He dropped them, the opening himself to the place where she lived in the back of his mind. She was agitated and afraid, he could feel it flowing across the bond in waves.

“Why were they up to begin with?” she asked, squinting at him. “They weren’t when I fell asleep.”

Ah, so, how to answer that question? Probably not with ‘I was taking care of myself after bond creeping you getting yourself off.’

“I needed a quiet moment,” he paused. “You were a bit closed off yourself.”

At least she had tried to… though she’d been trying to be too subtle about it so he wouldn’t notice and left more than a few holes to peek through. Though he shouldn’t have, he really shouldn’t have…

Rey blushed, “Yeah, um, I needed a moment.”

He somehow managed not to grin at how adorable she was when she was embarrassed. It was probably a good idea to change this subject before they delved too deep one way or the other along this whole line of questioning. “What happened? A nightmare?”

She was quiet long enough that he was beginning to think he might need to prod her again to get her to talk. Then she closed her eyes, uttering a single word that immediately made his blood run cold, “Snoke.”

His hands rolled involuntarily into fists. How could he have reached her all the way out here?

“The light eater,” she answered. “I think he was facilitating it. He lead him, or let him, into my dream.”

A familiar hum was growing louder in his head. He looked up from where he was staring on the floor, trying to make sense in his head of what she was saying, feeling confused by the sudden strengthening of their connection. It had been a long time since it had felt like this… not since either of them learned to somewhat control it. She was looking back at him with startled eyes, “You’re not doing that?”

She shook her head. Neither said anything, and they didn’t need to. He knew- the dream, the light eater, Snoke. It was unsettling, there had been no conscious effort on his part to extract information, no conscious effort on her part to send it to him. Instead, it was just there, he knew things she knew.

He was wrong, he realized, his fists unclenching as he looked at the marks his nails had left in his palm. The last time the connection had felt like this _had_ been after they learned to control it. It had been when their bodies were tangled together, their minds following.

“Snoke knows about the bond,” he said, feeling slightly numb. She just nodded, staring down at her bare feet. “Tell me the rest.”

“You already know,” she answered, looking at him curiously. He did, he just knew everything Snoke had said to her, his promises and his threats, all of it. He knew the light eater’s name was Absk, and that while he was clearly serving Snoke he seemed less than amicable towards him.

It didn’t matter, “I do, but I still need to hear it. And you need to tell it. You need to get it out of yourself.”

 

* * *

 

Her first instinct was to lie, to deny it, to hope he was speculating and fishing for confirmation, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Snoke’s eyes narrowed and he let out a low chuckle, “You’re a terrible liar, child.” She glared at him before looking away. “I am going to warn you that you don’t wish to lie to me. I’m willing to be much more generous with you than I should be. I will take you under my wing, show you how to unlock your true potential. Show you wonders you couldn’t even imagine, give you a place where you are wanted and belong. Where you can be a force in restoring the galaxy to order. Give you a position that will let you mete out justice to those who spend their lives taking advantage of those that are weaker than them.”

“What makes you think I would want any of those things?” she scoffed. “What I want is the First Order shattered and defeated. What I want is your dead, broken body at my feet.”

There was a flash of anger in his blue eyes and his grotesque face twisted, “Insolent youngling.” He looked over at Absk, “Perhaps it’s good you’ve fallen into your pacifist ways. I would be tempted to absolve the debt between us for you to just take the brat to keep as a tasty little pet.” He shook his head, looking at her again, “But it would be a shame to waste your potential. You will learn respect, the easy way or the hard way, but you will learn it.” He took a breath, getting himself calm again, “You may hide it from yourself, child, but you do want those things I mentioned. Oh, you want it, to descend on Niima, hand out death to those who abuse and use children as you were used. And take those children to a better life, one free of suffering and starvation.” She flinched, and he saw it, “Yes, you don’t want to admit it. Don’t want to face how much joy it would bring you to slaughter the one who was your keeper… Lun, I believe was his name? How you would love to see the life drain from his eyes.”

She looked down, “I could have killed him and I chose not to. Perhaps you don’t know me as well as you think you do.”

Snoke laughed, “I know you regret that you didn’t do it. That your thirteen year old self didn’t have the resolve to finish the brute as he lay bleeding at your feet. You may lie to yourself about it, but you can not hide it from me.”

When she looked away jaw clenched, he smirked and continued, “You want to know who you are, where you come from, why you were left to rot on that sand covered junkyard.” Her head shot up, glaring at him, “I’ve already made some progress on my search for your origins. In time I expect I will discover family if you have any left.” He smiled coldly, “It serves me to do so whether you make the correct decision or not. Either I can gift you the knowledge of them if you join me, or gift you their heads if you foolishly deny me.”

Her jaw was so tense she thought she might be straining the muscles as she glared at the monster before her.

He waved his hand, “They won’t be the only ones. The few little friends you’ve made in the Resistance… when the Resistance falls to its hands and knees with the boot of the First Order on its neck, I may be swayed to show mercy to a few, spare them death and instead send them into exile. But again, deny me and I can promise you their heads as well, I will make sure you get quite a collection.” That cold smile deepened as he saw her growing alarm. “Perhaps I will keep the one’s that were dearest to you, so that when you are captured you can watch their torment and death.”

“I will kill you,” she growled, stepping towards him. “Kylo and I are going to kill you together.”

“Ah, yes, Kylo. We haven’t talked about my wayward apprentice yet, have we?” Snoke set his saucer and cup on the table before folding his hands together, “He deserves neither mercy nor forgiveness, not after the blatant disobedience and betrayal. No, his treason deserves a slow, agonizing death. One where he will have a great deal of time to contemplate how his choices have led him to the world of pain that will become his existence.” She paled and Snoke leaned towards her, “If the two of you come to me… if you give your allegiance to me, girl, I will be merciful. I will spare him. I will temper my punishment to something survivable. The two of you, then, will be allowed to serve me side by side, together.”

“No,” she said, meaning to speak confidently but her voice coming out as a whisper.

Snoke stood, his lanky body unfolding to tower above her. Walking towards her slowly, “Don’t be foolish, child. It is only a matter of time before I manage to capture one of you or the other. And once I have one, I will soon have the other. All I will need to do is follow the conduit that links you. I can offer you pain or I can offer you a position where you can shape the future of the galaxy.”

“What you’re offering is enslavement,” she replied, eyes cold, “and I will take pain over enslavement.”

Snoke’s face twisted, voice growing harsher, “You will serve me in the end, _girl_. It is pointless to chose the difficult path. Your fate, and Kylo Ren’s, lies with me.” He stood over her, glaring down, “I will give you some time to think about it. And to discuss it with Ren, if you so wish. He can tell you exactly what I’m capable of doing to get the things I want.”

“You can take your offer and shove it up your ass,” she growled, “my answer will always be no. I will never serve you.”

Snoke looked down at her in disdain. “We shall see, won’t we?” he turned and nodded to Absk, and room around her, and Snoke himself, began to fade, “We shall see.”

There was nothing left but the void again.

No, not just the void, the void and one other. She turned to face Absk, still wearing the illusion of a human form, the brown eyes changing to yellow cut by a slit of black. He bowed at the neck, before meeting her eyes.

 

* * *

 

“I woke up then,” she said, feeling a little numb but better for having retold what happened out loud.

“If we get a chance, we need to kill that thing,” Kylo said. His voice was even, calm, but she could feel the roiling storm of emotions beneath the surface. Anger predominantly, but also fear.

“He doesn’t like Snoke,” she said, studying her fingernails. “And he seemed, I don’t know, sympathetic.”

“It didn’t stop him from linking a monster into your dreams. And he’s leading the First Order to us.” She closed her eyes, this was all true. “If the chance arises, we need to take it out.”

“Snoke means it, doesn’t he? He’s looking for any family I might have and he’ll kill them if he finds them.”

“Yes, and no. He’s a liar, a very good liar, Rey, and he wants you to believe he’ll be able to take away the things that mean something to you,” Kylo met her eyes, his own dark and brooding. “Is he starting to look for more information about your past? Yes, that I’m sure. Has he made any actual progress? That we can’t really know. There weren’t a lot of clues when I looked, and Snoke is not beyond deception to get his way.”

“My friends--”

He cut her off, “The Resistance hasn’t fallen yet, it’s not close to falling from what I’ve heard from the bits of news I’ve gotten, or from the bits _you_ got going around my back and flirting with port attendants to get gossip.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes. He smiled, clearly that was the reaction he’d been trying to get. Then he sighed, “He’s not going to allow any in the Resistance to survive if the Order does win.” She looked up at him, frowning, “Though he’s not beyond leading you to believe that he did, if it would keep you appeased and under his heel.”

“And what about sparing you?” she looked at her hands again. It was hard to admit to herself how much Snoke’s promises of torment and death for Kylo terrified her. It frightened her, because the depth of the emotion hinted at things she was trying very hard not to see about how intertwined she felt with him now.

Kylo shook his head, “He wants us both. He will torture me, punish me, but not kill me.”

She looked at him quizzically, “You seem sure of that.”

“Our potential power, bonded like this, is exponential to what we’d be alone. And Snoke wants power more than anything else, so no, he has no intention now of killing either of us. Plus, he knows he could use us against one another, hold the threat of torture of the bondmate as a way to keep us in line.”

Her eyes closed, feeling emotionally and physically exhausted, “We _will_ kill him.”

She didn’t open her eyes as his large hand wrapped around hers, “Yes. We will. It will take time to be ready, but we will.”

He tugged her hand and she opened her eyes, feeling slightly confused, he was pulling her to towards the narrow bunk, “What? What are…”

“We need to sleep. We can deal with this more in the morning.” He rolled onto his side on the bunk, grabbing her by the hips and pulling her down next to him.

“I…” she flushed slightly, but let him wrap his arms around her and pull the blanket up over both of them. “We really don’t both fit on this. I don’t know how you fit on it by yourself.”

She could feel his smile against the top of her head, “I like cramped spaces, remember?”

Rolling her eyes, she sighed, tucking her face into his neck. Admitting to herself how much she did like being held against him like this. The bond seemed to sing at their contact. “You’re so angry…” she murmured. She could feel it, a churning storm within him. “How do you act so calm when you’re so angry?”

“Practice…” he said, softly, breathing in deep next to her. Tension was leaving him slowly, “And you, you calm me.”

“I'm pretty sure I frustrate the druk out of you.”

She could feel him laughing silently against her, “That too.”

Wiggling to try to find a comfortable position sandwiched against him, “The bed in my cabin is bigger.”

“Mmmhmmm… but we're here and not there.”

“It's across the kriffing hall. It's all of 20 steps from here to there.”

“Go to sleep, Rey.”

She snuggled herself against him, “When my neck and shoulders are sore tomorrow morning I'm going to kick your ass.”

“Keep saying things like that and you're going to turn me on.” He hooked his leg over hers, entangling them even further.

“You have issues,” she muttered, closing her eyes and listening to him breath. Sleep was closer than she expected. Five minutes ago she would have been sure it would be a long time before she would be able to sleep again.

“Yes,” he agreed in a sleepy mumble, his hand absentmindedly stroking her hair. “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I had to answer the question of whether or not Rey was sneaky as she thought last chapter, if only to add a little levity to all this right now... answer, no. Also Kylo is a dog. But he knows it. 
> 
> Thanks everyone for the kudos and comments.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rather than trying to explain, she pushed the memory of finding the flickering ball of energy across to him. A startled look crossed his face, then the expression faded as he pulled inward to his own mind. His mind was open so to her, and she could almost see it through his eyes as he found the bond, viewing it for the first time raw and without a mask his mind was using to make sense of it.
> 
> There was a strange doubling effect, as she felt her own emotions and also felt him feeling them as the bond pulsed and shimmered in front of him. It was dizzying. She pulled back to herself, looking up to see him staring at her in awe.
> 
> “That... “ he swallowed, “it’s stunning.”
> 
> She nodded, it was. Almost seeming like a living embodiment of the force. And it was contained within them. But just because something was beautiful doesn’t mean it wasn’t dangerous.
> 
> “It’s growing. What if… what if it consumes us? What if we lose ourselves and there’s no you or me anymore, if there’s just us?”

He woke up wrapped around Rey with his face nuzzled into her hair. The position he had fallen asleep in was awkward and his back was aching, his shoulders and neck stiff, and he didn’t give a flying kriff. If he could stay like this forever he would.

The bond still seemed to be humming softly, contentedly, as if the energy that lived in his mind was happy to be so close to its other side. Who knows? Maybe it was. The force had a will if not a consciousness. It would pull you towards where it wanted you to go, like a current in a river. It couldn’t make you follow where it was taking you, but it would keep trying to tug you along.

Pulling his face back he looked down at Rey as she slept. His girl. Her mind was open to him right now, as his was to her, and he was glad to feel that her mind was still, her sleep calm and dreamless and deep. Being this close to her was like having a blanket of calm thrown over his own emotions, dampening the anger and fear that were churning in his stomach since she came to his room last night.

Snoke. Kriffing Snoke.

He’d known Snoke was going to come after him. Snoke would have come after him even if he’d just fled to the Rim. Or if he’d absconded with his girl and tried to vanish. That disobedience would have been enough to gain his now ex-master’s ire and a certain death sentence. But he had gone far beyond disobedience, beyond simply trying to run, with the data mine he’d given Organa in trade for Rey’s agreement to come with him. That had been a full on betrayal of Snoke and the First Order as a whole. And the bits of news he’d picked up at ports indicated that the Order was reeling under renewed and very focused Resistance attacks, as they used the information to strike with precision at the Order’s weaknesses.

And he was sure it was made worse by the fact that they didn’t have anyway to know the extent of the damage that he’d done to them. Snoke would have realized by now that he’d given the Resistance information… but how much information was still the unknown. He was sure that was the most infuriating thing, maybe even more than not seeing the act of betrayal coming. He smirked as he leaned in and rested his head against Rey’s again. It had been a lot of data. The Resistance probably still hadn’t sorted through everything he’d put on that datastick. An extra special _kriff it, I’m out_ gift to Snoke, something to keep him and his people strained until he and Rey were ready to return. When he would finally be able to take his rightful place at the head of the Order’s forces and unify the galaxy under his control.

Rey muttered in her sleep, and he stroked her hair soothingly. Yes, he’d known Snoke would be coming after him. Not with as much energy and force as the kriffer would have liked to, with the Resistance keeping the Order’s forces occupied, but there was nothing that would have kept Snoke from seeking his revenge. Rey would have always been a target as well, if only because she would be a way to to hurt him.

But if Snoke knew about the bond, that changed things.

For one, he was sure that the son of a bitch had put the pieces together of exactly what his long term plans were. He and Rey were individually very strong force users, but linked as they were there was a potential to become an unstoppable force. Once they learned how to use it, they could fight with two sets of senses, aware of the other’s as if they were their own. They could share skills, absorbing what the other knows. And they give each other some of the other’s power and strength as needed.

Snoke was well aware of the potential of a bond between two such as him and Rey. Which meant he also knew the long term goal was for them to try to kill him. He and Rey were now a direct threat. Snoke would not be patient in his pursuit, knowing that the longer they were together and free, the stronger they could become, and the harder it would be for them to be contained and bent to the kriffer’s will.

The silver lining, if you wanted to call it that, was that Snoke didn’t want them dead. Not now that he was aware of their potential power. If there was one thing Snoke craved more than anything, it was power. So rather than being tortured to death, they would be tortured into submission.

Rey shifted in his arms, muttering and pushing her legs. He pulled back again, watching her face as he eyes blinked open, taking in her puzzled, sleep confused eyes. Her face scrunched slightly and a tinge of red built up on her cheeks, “Um… hi… good morning.”

“Morning,” he rumbled. She shifted against him, trying to untangle her legs from his. He didn’t move his legs to try to help, “Sleep okay?”

“I think so,” she answered, still squirming, trying to wiggle out of his arms. Finally she stilled with a huff, looking up at him. “Can you stop clinging to me? I’d like to get up.”

“Can I or will I?”

“Kylo…” she started, sounding slightly agitated, and he pouted, causing her to roll her eyes, “I need to visit the ‘fresher, so if you wouldn’t mind…”

He sighed, and unwrapped his legs from hers, but leaned in to plant a kiss on her forehead before letting her go. She rolled awkwardly off the bunk, landing on her knees before clamoring stiffly to her feet, rolling her shoulders. “Next time we sleep together we’re using my bed.”

Raising his eyebrows at her, he smirked as she blinked in confusion for a second at his reaction. Then blood rushed to her face, “I mean if we sleep together like this… not..” He started to laugh and she glared, the bridge of her nose crinkling.

“Sorry,” he said, raising his hands up, “I know what you meant.” Climbing to his feet he winced, stretching his arms up and bracing them against the ceiling. “We’ll talk at breakfast more about what we’re going to do.”

She nodded, turning and hurrying out of his room. He sat at the desk, and collected his datapad, flipping through his notes. If the goal was to stay out of Snoke’s grasp, wild space was probably still their safest bet. The First Order had spies throughout the Rim, the Reaches, and the Core. Avoiding adding the Light Eater to the equation, since he didn’t know what the kriff they could do about that thing other than try to kill it, Wild Space would be the safest place to disappear into.

It might just make the most sense to keep going with their current plans.

 

* * *

 

Kylo had started to make breakfast while she was in the ‘fresher, standing under the hot water of the shower and letting the heat sooth the crick in her neck. She had slept surprisingly well despite being crushed awkwardly against Kylo and being held like a security blanket in a vice grip all night, better than she had in weeks, maybe even in months.

She was strangely attuned to him right now, almost disconcertingly so. Where he was, what he was doing, that he was making some kind of eggs they got at the last port right now, that he was thinking they should continue on with their plans to go running off looking for Grey Jedi temples in Wild Space. It wasn’t new to be able to sense things like this, not exactly. They’d both been able to use the bond to track each other or to pull information from the other, but this was different. In the past they’d listened to the bond or sought information from one another through it, this was the primary way they’d both come to use and understand it. But then there’d also been the strange, passive transfer of information from one person to the other, where they’d somehow have learned something the other knew without really being aware they were doing it. It lead to freaky moments when she’d sit, blinking, trying to figure out why she was so sure she knew the answer to something that she should know nothing about.

The bond could be used actively, the bond could work passively and silently, without any real conscious control. But this… this wasn’t active, but it wasn’t silently passive either. She was very aware right now of how information was being fed from him to her. She was very aware of him, as a whole.

Grabbing the shampoo and washing her hair, she thought she might be understanding why Kylo had talked about the potential power the bond gave them. Perhaps she should have understood it already, on Starkiller, unaware as she might have been, she had passively learned how to do a Jedi mind trick and how to fight with the lightsaber and what movement would break the lock he had on her when she was pinned back to the chasm. She had pulled strength and power from him, weakening him and fueling herself, as they were locked again holding each other’s saber hands in those last moments of the fight.

And then there was what happened while she was fighting Brayandt Ren in that shattered hallway of the base on Asic. She had avoided thinking back on that. Hell, she tried to avoid most memories of the First Order’s assault on the Resistance base. The force blast she’d sent to collapse the damaged ceiling had been fueled by the darkside, as loath as she was to admit it. Her anger and Kylo’s had merged together to create a dark and potent fire that she turned into power. They could fuel each other’s power, it was hard to even wrap her mind around the potential that lay in something like that.

Letting the spray of water rinse her off, she closed her eyes and pulled back into her head. It had been a while since she’d sought out the energy that linked them to gaze upon it in its raw form. She found it easy, a pulsing, shimmering ball of light in her mind, something strange and beautiful in a way she couldn’t ever describe in words. With every pulse and shift of it she could feel Kylo coming across in waves.

...It was bigger.

It wasn’t her imagination, it was bigger than the last time she’d looked at it. There had been a time once before where she had thought it looked like it had grown, but this was significant enough for her to be sure. Not for the first time, she wondered what would happen if it kept growing? Would it consume them till they lost themselves? Till they became one mind with two bodies?

She was already starting to feel as if she was only one half of some greater whole. The thought of somehow being consumed by this even further was terrifying.

Kylo had tensed, stopping what he was doing, his confusion coming over to her in an unspoken question. He had felt her fear and was worried now. She pulled herself out of her mind, stepping out of the shower spray.

_I’m fine,_ she sent to him as she turned off the water. _Just thinking too much and worrying._

He wasn’t satisfied with that answer, she was sure he would press later but for now he just sent an affirmation, and went back to setting the plates on the galley table and adding putting the eggs and toast on them.

She toweled off and dressed, leaving her hair wet and unbrushed as she went to join him for breakfast.

 

* * *

 

He had his datapad as well as what looked like a worn flimsi star chart spread across the table between them. She glanced at the notes curiously as she took a bite of the buttered toast with some kind of fruit jam. “So you don’t think we should change our plans?” she asked, slightly apprehensively. Snoke’s threats loomed over her. He had practically promised to target anyone and anything she ever cared about.

“The only thing we can do right now is make sure we’re as far from his sight and reach as possible,” Kylo said, putting his fork down and resting his chin on his hand. “Wild Space is the best place to do that. Most of it is completely uncharted and aside from a stray system here and there, pretty much unknown.”

“We’re just going to run from him?” she stared down at her plate, pushing some of the eggs with her fork.

“We’re not ready to fight him. You’re not nearly ready,” his voice was gentle. “If we try to face him now we’re going to lose and end up his slaves.”

“What if he does find my family? Or captures someone I care about…” There weren’t a lot, but Finn, Chewie, Leia, Luke… Maybe Sabine and Ezra, even though she really only knew them for a very short period of time.

Kylo shook his head, “I don’t think he has any more clue than you or I on how to track down your family. And if he does get his hands on someone you care about…” he paused, taking a breath, “Okay, this will sound horrible but they might be better off really if he knows they are someone that matters to you. Because instead of just executing them as prisoners of war, he’ll torture them to bait you to him.”

“Yeah, that’s not comforting at all, Kylo.” She dropped her fork to her plate, having lost her appetite for possibly the first time in her life. “What about the light eater? Won’t Snoke be able to use him to track us?”

“The only thing we can do about him is keep working on your ability to use the darkside and kill the scaly bastard if we get a chance,” his voice had a sharp edge to it. “Even if he does track us though, navigating through uncharted space is tricky. Even if they have coordinates of our location you can’t just jump there if you don’t know if the route calculations are safe. They’ll have to approach through lots of shorter range jumps. Hopefully by then we’ll have been able to get the kriff away from wherever we were.”

She rubbed her eyes, “Aren’t we going to have navigation issues too?”

He looked down at the worn star chart, “Yeah, we’ll start at a port in one of the known systems. Hopefully we’ll be able to get some star charts and known hyperspace routes there. I’ve got this chart, but it’s ancient and it’s probably sketchy to navigate on.”

Squinting at the chart, she noticed notes and calculations hand written in places throughout, “What were you trying to figure out on that?”

“Where the Grey Jedi temples Jouric claims to have found are. He describes a lot of the systems he visited as he was bouncing around uncharted space. I’ve been trying to base his route on distances or system descriptions, and use that to come up with some possible locations for the temples.”

She looked down at the possible routes he had outlined, tracing along one with her finger, “We’re going to bumble along and try to find the route he took as he bumbled along?”

Kylo chuckled, “More or less. We’ll probably stop for a week or two in various places along the way so we can work on training. Then pick up the search again.”

Nodding, she sat back. It had seemed a lot more exciting to be going off like this before last night. Her mind now just spun with what might happen if Snoke began to make good on his threats. Kylo reached over and grasped her hand, “If he does, we’ll go back and do whatever we can. But we’ll do it with clear minds and a clear plan.”

Giving him a small smile, she sighed, “Okay.” His hand squeezed hers and she nodded once again. “Okay, let’s do this then.”

He let her hand go, watching her warily for a moment, “What happened that got you so upset in the shower?”

She sighed, “I wasn’t upset, it’s nothing, really.”

“You were afraid.”

“There’s a lot going on to be afraid of,” she said, still trying to bat away this line of questioning.

“Rey…” his voice trailed off, but she could feel an unspoken request coming from him. A request to trust him, to please just trust him.

“The bond is growing,” she said, looking down at her plate.

He raised his eyebrows, “It’s getting stronger, that’s not a bad thing.”

“It’s not just stronger, it’s _bigger_ ,” she insisted, “when’s the last time you looked at it on your end?”

“Looked at it?” he looked completely confused.

She faltered, “You… you’ve never looked at it? Like what it really is?”

“I’ve imagined it when trying to manipulate it-- usually I see it as a string, a tether between us.”

“No, I mean I've done that too, when trying to understand it. I've seen it as a string, sometimes as a tunnel. But I'm talking about what it looks like without any of that.” When he just looked at her puzzled she realized he still didn't understand. Had he really never looked at it? It was one of the first things she had done when she sought how he was finding a way into her mind.

Rather than trying to explain, she pushed the memory of finding the energy of the bond and seeing it, in the back of her mind, across to him. A startled look crossed his face, then the expression faded as he pulled inward to his own mind. His mind was open so to her, and she could almost see it through his eyes as he found the energy, viewing it for the first time raw and without a mask his mind was using to make sense of it.

There was a strange doubling effect, as she felt her own emotions and also felt _him_ feeling them as the bond pulsed and shimmered in front of him. It was dizzying. She pulled back to herself, looking up to see him staring at her in awe.

“That... “ he swallowed, “it’s stunning.”

She nodded, it was. Almost seeming like a living embodiment of the force. And it was contained within them. But just because something was beautiful doesn’t mean it wasn’t dangerous.

“It’s growing. What if… what if it consumes us? What if we lose ourselves and there’s no you or me anymore, if there’s just us?”

Kylo went silent, almost brooding for a moment before shaking his head, “I don’t think… I mean even if we end up more…” he paused, trying to find the right words, “more fused? More unified? I don’t know. We won’t lose ourselves. I mean--” he shrugged, “something like that did happen to us already back when the bond was still weaker. And in that moment I still knew who I was, I never lost my sense of self, no matter how entangled we became.”

Heat rushed to her face, she knew exactly what moment he was talking about. She had thought about it last night, how they had seemed to merge in mind, body, and soul when they…

A twinge of affectionate amusement distracted her from her line of thought. Rolling her eyes up, she shot him a look, “If you don't stop thinking about how adorable I look right now I swear to the gods I'm going to stab you with this fork.”

He started laughing, “Is it my fault you're cute when you blush?” She let out an offended huff and he grinned, “Maybe you'd be less shy about it with more practice?”

She raised her eyebrows at him, “Is that a really lame attempt to hit on me?”

“Maybe.”

Crossing her arms, she tried to keep her voice resolute, “I told you I'm not sleeping with you again.”

“I think you didn't mean it,” he gave her a smug smirk.

“That's very optimistic of you,” she scoffed.

He raised his eyebrows, still smirking, “You want me.”

Pushing her plate away, she stood up, “I'm not sure if that is egotistical of you or delusional of you.”

“It's the former, I'm a cocky son of a bitch, I admit that,” he stood and started to clear the plates off the table. “Doesn't mean I'm wrong.”

“Delusional,” she said, her eyes tracing down his back as he turned to the counter, resting on his ass for a moment. His very very nice ass that was really defined nicely by his pants.

He hummed as he put the dishes into the Sanitizer, “Says the one in denial.”

“Oh, bite me, Kylo,” she grumbled as she looked away from where she had been staring.

“Mmmm…. Gladly.”

She grabbed the napkin from where it had been left folded and ignored next to her plate, balling it up and throwing it at his back, “You have issues.”

He turned sharply and caught it, shaking it out before folding it and setting it on the counter, “I’m pretty sure we’re both in full agreement on that.”

Snorting, she rolled her eyes, “I need to go brush my hair.” He just hummed again as he finished cleaning up, his eyes following her as she headed back to her cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make a lot of references back to events from [Chained](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10850889/chapters/24092652) in this chapter. I hope for anyone reading who hadn't read Chained first that it was still able to be followed in a sensible manner. Trying to balance needing to reference back to events in the first fic in the series while still making sure someone who just started reading this one could still follow along is difficult. 
> 
> That said, if you haven't read Chained already, you should. It was my first fic and I'm really proud of it, and it is what sets up this fic as the second in the trilogy.
> 
> Hopefully we can get some slow burn resolution soon. I'm the author and I'm already grumbling at them to bang already. Damn it Rey, quit being stubborn about it.
> 
> Wild space adventures, and really what will be a journey of self discovery, are next on our plate. There are temples to find, hidden dangers to stumble into, insights into our pair's past to be had, and (mainly) Kylo's search for a new way to understand the force to be resolved.
> 
> Now if I can figure out how to take this formless blob of ideas from my head and squeeze them into coherent plot and words that make sense, we'll be all good. 
> 
> Thank you guys so much for your comments and kudos. You keep me going strong with working on my fics when I start to doubt myself :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’d been on Thune for the last week, bartering for star charts and getting frustrated by the conflicting information they were getting. As one of the known ports in wild space, Thune City was one of the first places people came, and most of them were looking for star maps or known safe hyperspace routes if they were going to a specific place. It meant the maps fetched a high price, and that they came in very differing levels of quality. From completely untrustworthy maps and sometimes even counterfeit maps, to extremely detailed and authentic. But the good maps were very hard to find. Especially for the lesser traveled areas of wild space, which just so happened to be where they wanted to go.
> 
> Today they’d been on Merchant’s Bridge-- again-- when a seedy Jablogian had asked why they were looking for maps for those particular sectors. Kylo had brushed it off by saying they were looking for Jedi ruins and artifacts. But the traders beady eyes had widened as he told them he might know someone who could help them… and he’d tell them how to get there for a price.
> 
> And that had now led them to this building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oy, sorry for the delay in the update. Between work and my other WIPs and my mind is scatterbrained lately and instead of writing this it keeps breeding plot bunnies and ideas for other stories. But I finally got it to focus today and have an update.
> 
> Didn't really proofread it so I hope I'm not disrespecting the English language or rambling off into gibberish in here.

Thune City was by far the most populous place she’d ever been in. Crowded narrow buildings of dirty yellow stone lined narrow streets that ran along canals of stagnant, filthy water. Boats crowded the canal ways, people clogged the streets. Waves of people flowed by her like sand slipping down a hill, and she felt lost within the sea of faces and noise. 

She followed closely behind Kylo, not wanting to be separated from him in this crowd, bond or no bond. He was her only anchor in this chaos, and she kept her eyes locked onto his cloak as he pushed through the throngs and guided them down the street. The number and proximity of all the people bothered him too, she could feel his anxiety coming across the bond in sharp pings. It was the only way she would ever know he was feeling anything other than confident and calm, outwardly he showed no emotion at all, his features flat as he brushed shoulders with people passing by. Even more surprising was the lack of any sort of distress in his force signature, which also seemed steady and calm. Her own was flickering and spiking with her anxious energy. Had he learned to mask his emotions from his force signature? Why would he want or need to do that?

_ “Ben was… a frustrating student. Stubborn, hated being told what to do, and would often push back at me. He was talented, very talented, but filled with insecurity and self doubt. At the same time he was arrogant and prideful, a sense of entitlement. Shy, very much in his own head most of the time. He never had a lot of friends, though he was, or at least always seemed, very loyal to the ones he had. Very protective. If he felt betrayed though, he would not let it go, he held grudges. He had trouble reining in his emotions. Frustration would lead to anger and he would lash out. Over time he got better with his control, or he got better at burying his anger and bitterness where I couldn’t see it. I think it as the latter now, he just buried it until it exploded out and the darkness killed the light in him.” _

Luke’s words came to her and she frowned, thinking to herself as she quickened her step to keep pace with Kylo’s long steps. Had it been Luke that he was hiding his emotions from? Making sure his old master didn’t see the depth of the instability and lack of control he had of his emotions?

Not for the first time she wondered what had happened between Luke and Kylo. The two men were alike in more ways than either of them would admit, and they would deny it and take offense at the suggestion. The emotions between the two of them were convoluted and confusing, raw hatred and yet love still… though Kylo would vehemently deny he had any love for Luke and Luke would just as strongly deny that he bore hate towards Kylo. Resentment and bitterness and a sense of the other being the one who was the betrayer. Each felt completely justified in their own actions, even if they mourned for them, and felt the other was the one who had done wrong.

Part of her wanted to ask, see if Kylo would be willing to tell his side of what had happened. But another part of her was afraid of what he would say. She still loved Luke, who had accepted her and trained her and become something like father, and she had yet to get over her feelings of guilt for agreeing to leave with Kylo. Did she really want to know what skeletons lived in her master’s… or maybe ex-master’s, she wasn’t sure what Luke was for her anymore… past.

Kylo banked to the right, and she hurried closer to stay in the wake he parted through the crowd so she wouldn’t have to fight through them herself. They reached a tall, narrow building with an arched doorway and slit windows with colored glass. Carved above the door was some kind of symbol, a circle with what looked like a series of stars connected together to form an arrow. There were no other signs or markings to indicate what kind of business this was.

“This is it?” she asked, glancing at Kylo.

“If that son of a bantha in the market wasn’t a liar… then this should be it,” he looked up, studying the symbol above the door with an aggravated look on his face, “I hope this is it. We’ve already been here longer than I thought we’d be. And if it turns out that pig was a liar I’m going back for his head.”

They’d been on Thune for the last week, bartering for star charts and getting frustrated by the conflicting information they were getting. As one of the known ports in wild space, Thune City was one of the first places people came, and most of them were looking for star maps or known safe hyperspace routes if they were going to a specific place. It meant the maps fetched a high price, and that they came in very differing levels of quality. From completely untrustworthy maps and sometimes even counterfeit maps, to extremely detailed and authentic. But the good maps were very hard to find. Especially for the lesser traveled areas of wild space, which just so happened to be where they wanted to go. 

Today they’d been on Merchant’s Bridge-- again-- when a seedy Jablogian had asked why they were looking for maps for those particular sectors. Kylo had brushed it off by saying they were looking for Jedi ruins and artifacts. But the traders beady eyes had widened as he told them he might know someone who could help them… and he’d tell them how to get there for a price.

And that had now led them to this building. Kylo reached for the door latch and found it was open, he glanced at her, raising his eyebrows in a silent way of telling her they should be cautious, and walked in.

The smell of dust and old flimsi greeted them. The inside of the building was no more than twelve feet across, and the shelves that lined the walls made it even more narrow. Her eyes followed upward, in awe, at the massive tomes that filled the shelf, stretching upward to in row after row to two stories in height. 

At the end of the long room sat a large desk covered in stacks of books and flimsi and holos. A man with frizzy grey hair sat behind it, dwarfed by the stacks piled the desk. On the wall behind him was a large glass case filled with ancient looking relics. As they approached he looked up, narrow magnifiers over his eyes making them look five times too big. It was his eyes,  sclera a faded red color contrasted by deep violet irises, that made her realize that while he was near-human in appearance, he wasn’t actually human. 

He pushed the magnifiers up to his forehead and set his pen down folding his hands-- fingers just a bit too long to seem right-- together in front of him, watching as they approached, saying nothing.

Kylo bowed his head slightly, “We were told you might be able to help us with navigation and star charts.” She felt a sudden wave of surprise come across the bond, and glanced over to see Kylo staring at an item in the glass case behind the desk before he quickly brought his attention back to the man in front of them.

The man cocked his head, taking a moment to look up and down Kylo, then her, before leaning back, “Perhaps.” His voice had a reedy quality to it, “I have been to many places and know of many others. What, pray tell, are you seeking?”

What are you seeking… not where do you want to go. It didn’t seem like much, but she had a feeling that difference was important.

“Relics and ruins,” Kylo paused, his eyes looking again to the item in the glass case, a stone knife, she realized, “and judging from that Sith relic behind you, the trader who gave us your name has not lead us astray.”

A surprised look passed over the man’s face and he pulled him up straighter in his chair, “Someone who actually knows of what he speaks. So few recognize between Sith and Jedi these days, history forgotten.” He bowed his head towards the chairs opposite his desk, “Sit. I am Kier Mai. And if I may inquire?” 

Kylo hesitated, anxiety spiking across the bond and his force signature as well, before he took a deep breath and bowed his head, “Ben Organa, and this is Rey of Jakku.”

She bowed her own head at the neck, “What did you mean-- few recognize between Sith and Jedi?” Kylo glanced at her, a small frown on his face, a pique of annoyance fluttering across the bond.

His head cocked at her, squinting slightly, the wrinkles around his eyes crinkling, “To the average, a force user is a Jedi. That’s the only association most know. As such relics of a force order, sect, or cult, is referred to as Jedi. Woeful ignorance and lost history, one would think knowledge would hold more value.” A small, condescending smile tweaked his face, “Tell me, Rey of Jakku, what does a child such as yourself know of Jedi and Sith?”

A warning tingle shot across the bond, tempering her rising ire before it could get too high. She looked sideways at Kylo in annoyance before looking at Kier again, “The Sith order was formed by Jedi exiles. They were believers in using emotion to tap into the dark side of the force. The Jedi were lightside users, they believed one must find peace through the release of emotions, and that would allow them to become one with the lightside of the force.”

Kier raised his eyebrows and bowed his head again before looking at Kylo, “And the child is indeed educated. Your student?” She bit her lip to keep herself from saying anything, if this man could help them then she’d tolerate being condescended to.

“My companion,” Kylo answered. “She was already self-taught when I found her.”

That wasn’t exactly true, though she’d heard and read the myths back on Jakku, it was Luke and Kylo that had filled in a lot of blanks. Still, it was Kylo’s way of elevating her, of insinuating back to Kier that she was a knowledgeable person in her own right, deserving of respect. It wasn’t something necessary for him to do and she appreciated it.

“Interesting,” Kier folded his hands again, his eyes once again looking her up and down. “So, is it Sith relics and holy places you seek?”

“We would be interested in any knowledge of Sith ruins, but our current focus is on Grey Jedi. Our research suggested there are two or three temples that were built in Wild Space.”

Kier sat up straighter, not able to hide the surprise look on his face, “The seekers of the balance, yes, they had a strong presence through this bit of the galaxy. There were many Grey Jedi temples at one time, far more than three, though only ruins remain of most.” He leaned back in his chair, tapping his long fingers against one another, “I can provide you with the maps you seek, though they do not come cheap…”

“We have coin,” Kylo cut in, dismissively.

The violet eyes narrowed, “They also are not given to just any who drop a handful of chits on my desk.” Kylo frowned and Kier continued, “I am a seeker of knowledge, I shall only share with those of the same mind. What is that you truly seek?”

She could feel Kylo’s annoyance spiking, and she brushed her hand against his upper arm, shaking her head. It wasn’t entirely clear how, but she knew what to say, and what Kier needed to hear them say, “We seek the past,” she reached into her cloak and pulled out the double lightsaber she’d been granted at the temple on Ahch-To, holding it out towards the man, “we seek the truth that lies within history, the understanding and knowledge that it brings.”

Kier’s eyes fixed on the engraved silver hilt of her saberstaff. Kylo shot her a nervous glance, but she just waited as the man slowly reached out, his long fingers wrapping around the hilt gently and placing it on the desk in front of him, flipping the magnifiers over his eyes again as he leaned down to study the engravings before looking up, eyes wide, “Do you know what you have here?”

“A double lightsaber of a very old design,” she answered. “It probably dates back to the Old Republic.”

“Shan,” he said, his fingers tracing along engraved lettering on the hilt. It was a language she didn’t know, and she frowned, not sure what he meant. “Yes, Old Republic, there is no doubt on that.” He shook his head, “If I offered you the maps you seek in trade for this, would you take the offer?”

Kylo frowned, but she shook her head, “No.”

“Good answer, Rey of Jakku,” he lifted the saberstaff gently, offering it back. She reached over and took it from him, returning it to the holster hidden under her cloak. “Such an item is beyond any price.” He offered her a small smile before standing, and glancing at Kylo, “I am willing to do business with you, if you have coin, as you so put it.”

The bond tingled with a sense of pride, and she flicked her eyes sideways to see Kylo giving her a small smile before he nodded at the old man in front of them, “We have coin, as I did say, and we would be grateful for whatever information you can provide.”

“I will gather the charts and information, please wait here,” Kier bowed his head, turning to climb a ladder up to a narrow second story balcony.

Once he was out of sight she looked at Kylo to find him looking at her with a grin. They might have finally found what they needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hugs and kisses to my commenters.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He rolled his eyes slightly and looked back down at the maps, “ Anyway , you didn’t have it when you knocked me off the cliff. And then you had it when you and that Bridger guy were fending off our troops while making your way to the transport you escaped on. So what happened between those two points of time that you ended up with a weapon millennia old?”
> 
> Sitting up, she crossed her legs, her fingers carding the blanket between them. She hadn’t really told anyone about what she experienced in the temple. Luke was aware that she’d experienced… something… she didn’t know what to call it, a vision? A dream? An ordeal? And that she’d been given the saberstaff at the end of it. But he’d never really asked her to say what she had experienced. Kylo flicked his eyes at her again.
> 
> “We went to the temple,” she said.
> 
> Kylo froze a moment before turning his head, “Temple? Jedi temple?”
> 
> “Luke said I needed to go there before we left.”
> 
> He just stared at her a moment before turning to sit sideways on his chair to face her, “That’s why you vanished… from my head I mean…” he paused, seeming to think that wasn’t the best way to say what he was trying to say, “You know what I mean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of references to events in Chained in this chapter. I'll put links to the various chapters in case anyone wants to go back and review, lol (I did when writing this).

The sun was sinking low in the sky when they left. Kier Mai had brought down at least a dozen star charts, each annotated with information on planets in different systems. He went over each one with them meticulously, explaining the short hand notes, indicating if a planet shown signs of having once had Sith, Jedi, Grey Jedi, or “other force cults, known or unknown” activity or habitation.

He quoted them a price so high her mind reeled. The scavenger in her reared up, wanting to negotiate the price down, but Kylo had killed that line of thought with a stern look as he pulled out a sack of the metal coin currency they used on Thune, dropping the entire bag on the table. It was worth at least three thousand credits at the current exchange rate. “This is even more than what you asked, but what you’ve given us is priceless.”

The idea of overpaying someone set her teeth on edge and somehow she managed to keep from rolling her eyes. It was Kylo’s money, from the seemingly limitless supply of unmarked credits he’d stolen when he fled the order. What he did with it shouldn’t be her concern…

But overpaying…

Kier Mai had sat back, once again folding his long fingers together as he spoke, his violet eyes resting on them thoughtfully, “I do have one request, a part of the price you could say.”

Kylo had frowned, and she could feel him start to tense, “A request?”

“Yes, yes, at my age, I am unable to explore anymore. And the maps are still incomplete…” he leaned forward, scanning his hand across the map to settle on a system, “You’ll notice there are systems with this mark here…” his finger brushed across the notation, “these were systems that had something that looked like it might be noteworthy-- ruins of civilization, evidence of habitation. Could be something, or nothing.”

“Yes?” Kylo asked, hiding his impatience. Once again masking it from anyone outside looking at him, but she could feel it.

“I ask that on your journey you pick… three, yes, that seems like a fair number… three of these noted systems, and investigate for me. When you return, you can let me know what you find so I can update my charts.”

“That’s all?” Kylo the tension in his body easing as he agreed.

The crowds were thinner now as they made their way back to the inn they’d been renting a room at-- Thune City did not allow people to live on docked ships in the city’s shipyard-- but the humidity was rising as the temperature dropped. Swarms of insects hovered near the fetid waters of the canals and slices of light from the setting sun broke through narrow gaps between buildings.

It would be a relief to finally leave this place.

Kylo paused slightly, stepping over so she could move next to him, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her against his side, “You were brilliant in there.”

She felt some heat rise to her cheeks, “It was nothing… I just, I had a feeling on what he wanted, or maybe needed, to hear from us. I was lucky.”

He snorted, and she felt a tinge of amusement, and a whispered fragment of a thought floated into her mind, _no such thing as luck._

“Was that you?” she asked. It was strange, when they sent thoughts to each other they knew who was sending, but in this case it was hard to tell where the thought came from. It could have been a random thought in her own head, except it didn’t seem like hers. “No such thing as luck?”

His eyes flicked to her sharply as he pushed his way through a crowded intersection, pulling her against him so she was protected by his mass until they cleared the intersection and the people thinned enough for her to walk next to him again. “You heard that?”

“It almost felt like it was some random thought in my head, it was odd,” she glanced up at him. “You don’t believe in luck?”

He smiled, shaking his head, “It was something Skywalker would quote sometimes. Something Kenobi said shortly after…” his voice trailed off a moment as he looked off towards the pinkish sky visible between two buildings, closing his eyes and swallowing. He exhaled a deep breath he’d been holding, “After they met my father. He-- my father-- called Skywalker’s succeeding while training blindfolded with a lightsaber luck. Kenobi said in his experience there was no such thing as luck.”

She didn’t say anything for a minute. Thinking about Han only served to make the complicated relationship between her and Kylo more jagged and difficult. It was something she did her best to avoid these days.

Kylo looked at his feet and she could feel the growing regret at having said anything at all, “Anyway,” he mumbled, not looking at her, “I believe in luck, but I don’t believe you were just lucky. You trusted your instincts and the force steered you to what you needed to do.”

“Luke told me some of the story while we were on Ahch-To,” she said. “Didn’t get detailed enough to get that quote into his retelling, but Kenobi, that was Ben Kenobi, the Jedi who was Luke’s mentor, right?”

“Obi-Wan Kenobi. He was one of the few who survived the Emperor’s purge,” there was a pause, “and he was the one who trained Anakin Skywalker, my grandfather. He went by Ben later, while in hiding.”

They both fell into a prolonged silence before her curiosity got the best of her, “Ben. Were you named after him?”

There was a long beat before he answered, “Yes.”

She didn’t need a force bond to know he didn’t want to talk about this more, so she opted not to press. “What was up with calling yourself Ben Organa?”

To her surprise, a tinge of color rose to his cheeks, “I… um… I didn’t think about the fact that I probably should be using an alias until the moment he asked for my name. And I couldn’t say Kylo Ren and Ben Solo would be blatantly obvious so I just blurted out Ben Organa.” He shook his head, “Which in terms of trying to hide my identity is not a particularly good name to use either. I probably should have come up with something different for you too.”

“I’m sure it will be fine.”

“We need to be careful,” he said as they arrived at the inn. It was a bit larger than the other buildings on the block and a floor or two higher, but otherwise in the same style and made of the same dirty yellow stone as the rest of the city. Kylo opened the door, holding it for her as she slipped inside. Behind the front desk the clerk recognized them and gave a curt nod before looking back down at his paperwork. “And that wasn’t being careful, that was me being sloppy. It won’t happen again.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself,” she told him as she climbed the winding, creaky wood staircase to the third floor. Kylo stepped past her, roll of star charts under his arm as he fumbled the key to their room from his pocket.

He shrugged, rattling the old door to get it to open, “And you’re not giving yourself enough credit.” Pushing the door open he stepped to the side, letting her enter before he followed, closing the door before walking over to set the charts on one of the two beds in the room. It wasn’t very large, two old double beds, a desk, a ‘fresher, and a tiny table with a pair of stools. It wasn’t particularly well lit, the light panel on the ceiling in the main room flickered and sometimes dimmed for a few minutes before brightening slightly. The outer wall overlooking the street only had two long, narrow windows that didn’t do a good job of letting much natural light in.

Kylo pulled off his cloak, tossing it onto the bed next to the charts, before he sat down heavily into the desk chair. The chair screeched slightly in protest if his weight and as she kicked off her boots and collapsed on the other bed, she wondered if it might just give out on him.

“I’m sure you would laugh your ass off,” he quipped, dryly, as he unlaced his heavy boots and pulled them off.

“Kriffing bond,” she muttered in an amused tone.

“Yes,” he agreed, before pulling the chair over to the other bed and unrolling the star charts, spreading them out over the blankets before pulling his datapad and the more trustworthy maps they’d been able to get their hands on. She watched, her eyes half closed, as he began to compare between the different maps as well as his notes. “Showing him the saberstaff was a stroke of genius.”

She felt herself starting to flush again, “I was lucky there, I mean… I don’t know a lot about it but both you and Luke said it was very old. I don’t even know where I got it dating to the Old Republic.”

Kylo cocked his head slightly, looking up from the maps, his dark eyes studying her, “Where, exactly, did you find that? You didn’t have it when you knocked me off that cliff on Ahch-To. If you had you would have used it after I disarmed you.” A small smile suddenly played across his face, “Instead of trying to take on someone with two lightsabers with a kriffing quarterstaff.”

Frowning, she rolled onto her side. He was remembering that fight almost fondly and it irritated her, “I miss my staff.”

He rolled his eyes slightly and looked back down at the maps, “ _Anyway_ , you didn’t have it when you knocked me off the cliff. And then you had it when you and that Bridger guy were fending off our troops while making your way to the transport you escaped on. So what happened between those two points of time that you ended up with a weapon millennia old?”

Sitting up, she crossed her legs, her fingers carding the blanket between them. She hadn’t really told anyone about what she experienced in the temple. Luke was aware that she’d experienced… something… she didn’t know what to call it, a vision? A dream? An ordeal? And that she’d been given the saberstaff at the end of it. But he’d never really asked her to say what she had experienced. Kylo flicked his eyes at her again.

“We went to the temple,” she said.

Kylo froze a moment before turning his head, “Temple? Jedi temple?”

“Luke said I needed to go there before we left.”

He just stared at her a moment before turning to sit sideways on his chair to face her, “That’s why you vanished… from my head I mean…” he paused, seeming to think that wasn’t the best way to say what he was trying to say, “You know what I mean.”

“The bond was still?” she offered.

“Yes, that’s a much better way to put it,” he sighed. “I can’t even explain how much it terrified me when you were just… gone. Suddenly gone.”

“I got the idea,” she shook her head, “I actually always think of that as the moment you started to… change, at least a little.”

He shrugged, somewhat indifferently. She wondered if he recognized himself as being any different now, if he saw the shifts in himself that she did.

“Why didn’t you tell me you faced a test?”

For a split second she felt as if she was back in the temple, looking across the stone bridge that crossed the channel of rushing water that parted the room at the stone doorway that lead to darkness. Luke next to her on the floor, leg mangled from the fight they had barely managed to survive.

_“Is this a test?”_  
_“Yes. And no. It’s a journey, a pilgrimage.”_

She shook away the memory and shrugged, “It didn’t really come up before.”

“What did you see?” his face was surprisingly earnest.

A shiver ran through her back and she shook her head. Maybe if the temple hadn’t used an apparition of him hunting her through the dark, telling her no one wanted her, that everyone would either leave her or use her until there was nothing worthwhile to take, maybe then she could have shared the details. But with him looking at her now, face open and earnest, she couldn’t bring herself to tell him that. “It made me face my fears,” she said simply. There was a flash of disappointment on Kylo’s face that she was unwilling to share more, and he glanced down again, “And then?”

“I passed through a series of rooms, there were people in them, questioning me, talking to me.” She could feel his disappointment at her being vague, “I was told my path was unclear. That I could walk in the light, fall to the dark, or find my way somewhere in between. In the final room, there was an altar, and behind it it I could feel a pulsing point of light in the force, a focal point, it was why the temple was built there. And the woman who talked to me gave me the saberstaff and told me to return to my master.” A small smile played across her face and she shook her head, “And then I opened my eyes and I was on my knees just past the archway I had walked through… and there were no other rooms, just the little foyer beyond the doorway that I was in. But I could feel it, that focal point of light, somewhere deeper in. I don’t know why, but I was sure that the altar room really did exist, though it was impossible to get to.”

“Physically to get to,” he looked up again. “Don’t doubt that you were there, your mind was there. Don’t think what happened was a dream. It was real, even if it didn’t happen on the physical plane.”

She watched him thoughtfully as he turned back to his maps, tapping notes into his datapad before he began to roll them up again, “These are correlating really well with the more trustworthy charts we had managed to get a hold of, and with Jouric’s notes on where the temples he claimed to have found were. I think we can trust them.”

“Good,” she just nodded, studying his profile until he glanced up at her. “You went through one too? A test I mean?”

He stilled with what he was doing looking down again before he answered, “I went through two. Once right after I was sent to Skywalker. Then again later, when I was twenty two or so.”

“What happened?”

Kylo didn’t look up, he finished rolling up the maps and set them on the desk. “I very nearly failed,” he said, softly. “Both times.”

 

* * *

 

She wasn’t really sure when she fell asleep, but she woke up alone in their room. For a moment she was disoriented, blinking in the dark. Kylo wasn’t here but she could feel him at the other end of the bond.

He must of noticed she was awake, _Sorry, went to check on the shuttle and log for a departure tomorrow with the shipyard office. Didn’t want to wake you._

 _It’s all right,_ she answered. At least that meant they were leaving tomorrow.

_I’ll pick up something for dinner._

She stretched and sent an acknowledgement, dinner sounded pretty damn good too. Caf also sounded pretty good, even though it might keep her up all night. The inn had caf available on the main floor. After a brief mental struggle over the pros and cons of drinking caf this late, she grabbed the spare room key, yawning as she walked out and turned around to lock their room.

“Kid,” a voice spoke from behind her and she let out a yelp, spinning around, her hand going to her saberstaff. A lean figure was sitting on the stairwell railing near the wall, brown eyes watching her intently.

As soon as the recognition hit her she began to subtly close off the bond, resisting the urge to clamp it down tight immediately. Kylo would notice that. If you wanted to hide from a bondmate without them noticing right away, you had to cut yourself off slowly. “Dameron?” she folded her arms. Her last encounter with Poe Dameron had been in the cafeteria at the Resistance base on Asic, when the base commander-- Kelen, that had been his name-- had sent the man to try to charm her into admitting she was lying.

“Aw, come on kid, you used to call me Poe,” he flashed that kriffing charming smile.

“I met you twice and talked to you for ten minutes total,” she snorted, rolling her eyes. Feeling out with the force she felt the clerk and whoever was in the room on the second floor, and then Dameron. If there were more people with him, they weren’t in the building.

“Yeah… that was a fun conversation,” he grinned, “if I recall you told me to go kriff myself and then stormed out.”

“How did you find us?” she said, her voice flat and her arms still crossed. If the Resistance could track them, the First Order could track them. It made her nervous.

His smile faded and he studied her, “Us? You and Ren are an _us_ now?”

“I agreed to travel with him a year in exchange for the intel on the First Order,” she snapped. The implication he was making wasn’t lost on her. “So yes, for the next year we’re an us.”

“Alright,” the left side of Dameron’s mouth crooked into a smile again. “And I found you by chance. We’re doing a reconnaissance mission on Thune and I saw you and Ren on that bridge with the market a few days ago.”

“Just a coincidence?” she wasn’t sure if she believed that. “Why is the Resistance venturing into Wild Space?”

“That’s classified.” She snorted and he smiled his full, charming smile, sliding off his perch on the railing and standing, “All I can say is that there’s been First Order activity, especially around Thune. We've been investigating.”

That was disconcerting information. They’d hoped by going to Wild Space they’d be able to put distance between them and the First Order.

“So, you okay, kid? I just wanted to check in with you after spotting you. We owe you, the intel Ren gave for you agreeing to go with him has been invaluable.”

Hearing that last sentence made her want to melt in a puddle of relief, quieting the voices that questioned if it had even been worth it. Worth agreeing to come with Kylo, worth betraying Luke’s trust…

But she didn’t let herself, because her past interaction with Dameron told her he was after something. “I’m fine, thank you for asking.” She pursed her lips, “But you’ve been watching for three days, so you already were pretty certain I was fine, weren’t you?” Dameron’s brown eyes squinted slightly at her and she shook her head, “You’re talking to me because you want something.”

For a moment the smile left Dameron’s face and his eyes studied her, then a full grin broke out onto his face, “I really like you, kid. You’re a sharp little thing.”

She raised her eyebrows, not sure if that was meant to be a complement or what.

Dameron shook his head, “And I don’t want anything other than to sate my curiosity. What are you and Ren doing in Wild Space?”

“Oh, that’s classified,” she said, her voice edging slightly with sarcasm.

“Is it now?”

She huffed, rolling her eyes, “We’re just trying to keep space between us and the First Order,” she said. In the back of her mind she felt Kylo faintly, questioning her wordlessly as to why she was closed off right now. “And you really need to go. You don’t want to be here when he gets back.”

For a second Dameron just studied her before he nodded, “Alright, you going to be okay if he finds out you were talking to me?”

“I’ll be fine.”

He nodded slowly, before walking past her to the stairs, starting to head down. Her heart jumped into her throat suddenly, and she blurted out, “Poe, wait…”

He stopped, looking at her in surprise. She took a breath, “Finn, Chewie, Luke, Leia… are they all okay?”

Dameron smiled, “They’re all doing fine, kid.”

She smiled back, “Thank you.” He nodded and disappeared down the staircase.

Steeling herself, she opened her side of the bond up again, Kylo’s concern coming across in a tidal wave. Trying to hide this from him wasn’t very feasible. Preparing herself for an irate bondmate, she took a deep breath, and let him know what just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't been intending Poe to show up and then there he was. 
> 
> Since in many stories Poe and Rey are friends, I probably should emphasize (I tried to do that in the actual story too) they really don't know each other well. She met him (as in saying hello) on D'Qar once. Then she had the encounter with him on the base on Asic, which took place in [chapter 29](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10850889/chapters/24094347) of Chained. There's also a bit of Poe talking to Kelen (an OC) about it in the following chapter in Chained. I don't think we'll see Poe again for awhile, but we will see him again later in this fic. If you want to get a sense of his character, his POV section in chapter 30 is probably a good place to get a feel for him.
> 
> The entire rumble on Ahch-To arc takes place chapters 15 - 19 in Chained. But since we were mostly referencing her temple ordeal, that's [chapter 18](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10850889/chapters/24093786).
> 
> I suspect Rey's bondmate is going to be a little paranoid and agitated after this and that will probably aggravate the shit out of her. But they've got some temples to find and some unexplored planets to check out along the way, so they'll get over it.
> 
> Thank you guys for all the comments. You keep me from doubting myself.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don’t get it, at all, do you?” he growled.
> 
> “The kriff, Kylo?” she snarled, eyes blazing. One hand pushed against his chest, trying to get him to back off and give her space. Even through the haze of his own anger he couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was when that fire pulsed through her and her eyes lit up.
> 
> “You think they’re your friends,” he said coldly, leaning over her. “And that… that’s what you refuse to see. You don’t know what they want, you don’t know their motives, but you think you can trust them, and so you willingly put yourself in danger.
> 
> She pushed against his chest again, harder and with a touch of the force thrumming through her fingers this time, threatening to throw him away from her. “I’m still one of them.”
> 
> “You were never one of them,” he snapped, irritation edging his voice. “You weren’t with them long enough to be one of them. The first thing you did was go to Skywalker, and when you returned you were Skywalker’s padawan. When it comes to the Resistance you have always been an outsider.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Debated trying to flesh out this chapter more, but it's been awhile since I updated so I decided to just go with it.

He paced the room, running his hand through his hair in aggravation.

“You need to calm down.”

His head snapped up at her voice, glaring at her as she sat on the end of the bed, the little idiot. The little idiot who had not only talked to the kriffing pilot, but who had locked down her side of the bond so he wouldn’t know what she was doing. “Calm down? The kriffing Resistance knows exactly where we are right now, and I need to calm down?”

“Yes,” she raised her eyebrows. “You do.”

Rolling his eyes, he kept pacing, “We should leave tonight.”

“We’re leaving in the morning already. They’ve known where we are for a few days, and the only thing that happened was Poe came to talk to me.”

“Yes,” he turned towards her, spreading his arms, “the pilot just happened to bump into us here and just decided to check up on you.”

“No, he decided to try to find out what we’re doing in wild space,” Rey huffed as she pushed some hair back from her face. “I’m not stupid, Kylo--” He let out contemptuous laugh that challenged that statement and she glared daggers at him before continuing, “I know he approached me because he wanted information and tried to charm it out of me.”

“They didn’t find us by accident. They had to be looking.”

“Maybe, but again, what did they do with that knowledge? If they wanted to take us by surprise, they had plenty of opportunity,” her irritated gaze following him as he made his way from one wall to the other.

He shook his head. What she was saying was reasonable, but he wasn’t feeling reasonable right now. No, he was feeling paranoid, feeling like his territory had been violated. Shooting her a glare he clenched his fists and looked down at the floor as he walked.

Rolling her eyes, she got to feet, “Fine. If you want to stomp back and forth all night go ahead, I’m going to take a shower and go to bed. Maybe you’ll be reasonable by morning.” As she moved to brush past him he whirled, almost on instinct, grabbing her by the shoulders and spinning her into the ‘fresher door as she yelped in alarm. Slamming a hand on each side of her, he caged her in, looming above her, eyes burning as he glared down.

“You don’t get it, at all, do you?” he growled.

“The kriff, Kylo?” she snarled, eyes blazing. One hand pushed against his chest, trying to get him to back off and give her space. Even through the haze of his own anger he couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was when that fire pulsed through her and her eyes lit up.

“You think they’re your friends,” he said coldly, leaning over her. “And that… that’s what you refuse to see. You don’t know what they want, you don’t know their motives, but you think you can trust them, and so you willingly put yourself in danger.

She pushed against his chest again, harder and with a touch of the force thrumming through her fingers this time, threatening to throw him away from her. “I’m still one of them.”

“You were never one of them,” he snapped, irritation edging his voice. “You weren’t with them long enough to be one of them. The first thing you did was go to Skywalker, and when you returned you were Skywalker’s padawan. When it comes to the Resistance you have always been an outsider.”

He waited for her to contradict him, to argue, but she didn’t. Instead she just pulled herself back against the wall, glaring at him coldly. She knew it was true.

After a prolonged silence she finally spoke, “I don’t know what you think they’d do to me, or to us. The deal was made---”

“Between you, me, and Organa,” he cut her off abruptly. “She has a lot of power, but she’s not the only one who has a hand on the reins. There’s no guarantee someone else hasn’t decided that we’re not too much of a wildcard to be allowed to exist while the war rages.” Taking a breath, he pulled back from her, “And there’s--- there are--- new players within their ranks to think about.”

Her eyes narrowed at him, “New players? What are you talking about? Ezra’s alliance?”

Letting his arms drop, he took a full step back before turning away, “He’d fit into that category too.”

He could feel her eyes on his back as he stalked across the room.

“You meant Luke, didn’t you?”

Putting his hand on the wall and tilting his head down, he spoke quietly, “We don’t know how much influence he’s gotten now over the last few months.”

“He wouldn’t---” she shook her head, “I know he’s not happy about this, but what? Do you think he’d try to force me back against my will?”

She was so kriffing naive. So sure she understood the man that had been her master for all of a few months. He turned slowly, “I don’t know what he might do to you.’

“He wouldn’t ever hurt me,” she said, forcefully. The certainty she felt for this statement rang through her voice.

All he could do was shake his head, “You have no idea what he’s capable of, Rey. What you did by taking my bargain was betrayal, and if there’s one thing Luke did not forgive it was betrayal.”

“He wanted to forgive you,” she folded her arms across her chest, ‘he said he still loved you.”

“A lie he might have even had fooled part of himself into believing,” he answered, dismissively.

“Luke loved me, Kylo. And I loved him. He would _never_ hurt me.”

Sighing, he sat down on the edge of the bed, shaking his head slowly, “You think he wouldn’t hurt those who he loves. I have plenty of experience that has showed he’s very capable of that.”

She pulled back slightly, a frown worrying her beautiful little face. “What happened between the two of you, Kylo? I need to know. I need to understand.”

His eyes closed and for a moment an image of Eliz flashed across his mind. One of her alive and vibrant, a coy smile on her face and that shrewd gleam she would get as she matched her wits against an opponent in the political arena.

It was a much nicer way to remember her than gasping her last breath in his arms. All because if the games Skywalker played as he tried to manipulate the pieces of the galaxy to his favor.

When he looked up he saw Rey’s brow furrowed, puzzled. He sighed, she’d caught at least a glimpse of his thoughts.

“I… not now.” His voice seemed distant, echoing somehow in his own head. “But... in time, I will. I promise you that.”

She frowned at him, brow still furrowed. His lips twitched, that look was almost as cute as when her nose crinkled when she was angry.

“Alright,” she said. “Not now. But I’m going to hold you to that promise. I need to understand.”

Running his fingers through his hair he sighed, “I know.”

 

* * *

 

Thune City was miserable at night.

Well, it was miserable during the day too, but at night, the humidity rose, leaving him feeling as if he was trying to cut his way through the air. Worse than that, the flying insects that bred in the the disgusting and stagnant canal waters also came out. Leaving clouds of them hanging over the streets and bridges, and many of them seemed to bite. Gods knew he’d killed a dozen of the bloodsuckers already tonight, and he had a dozen more stinging welts where he’d been bitten without noticing.

He waved his hand in front of him to part a cloud of some kind of gnats, grating his teeth as they flew by his ears in a high pitched whine. Glancing across the bridge he frowned when he didn’t see the man he was looking for.

The meeting with the girl had gone more or less as he expected. The kid had always seen through the swagger and charm, cutting straight to the point. She was sharp, her mind a fine edge that didn’t take to bantha druk and didn’t like playing games. That sharp mind just cut straight through the false front he presented and tore him straight down to somewhat scheming man at the center.

With all honesty, he kind of adored her for that. He was used to wrapping people around his fingers, it was refreshing to find someone who wasn’t going to fall for it.

Which meant he was glad that she appeared okay and no worse for wear for having essentially sold herself to a monster for the sake of the Resistance.

“You look lost, Commander.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, looking around for the source of the wry voice. No one was on the bridge or the street. Then he looked up, and gawked.

Skywalker was sitting cross legged atop a tall pillar rising from the bridge at the point of the arch, the pillar so narrow it made the man look like he was floating. His mind spun as he walked over. How the hell did he even get up there?

A soft chuckle met that thought, and without preamble Skywalker dropped off his seat, landing lightly on the ground in front of him as if the fifteen or so feet he’d just fallen was nothing more than a hop.

It was official. Jedi freaked him the kriff out.

‘Were you able to make contact?” the man asked as he straightened and took a step forward. There was a sharp, calculating look in his blue eyes, which flicked past him to look the direction of the inn where Ren and the girl were staying.

“Yeah, I talked to the girl, briefly,” he shrugged. “Can’t say much other than she’s okay. Wouldn’t tell me anything about what they’re doing here… though judging from her reaction she didn’t know about the First Order having had activity here. It worried her, I could tell.”

Skywalker’s mouth flattened to a grim line. The man had cleaned up some from the wild hermit that had returned with Rey to Asic. His hair had been tamed a bit and his beard trimmed. Still, there was something of that hermit in his robes and his way of carrying himself. “They could be just using wild space to hide. If Ben is trying to turn her and win her loyalty, he needs time and space to get the Order, and us, off their backs.”

“I get the feeling you don’t really believe that.”

Skywalker looked at him, “Actually, I do. I just don’t think that’s the only reason. No, I think Ben is looking for something and is dragging Rey along with him.”

“What the hell do they expect to find in wild space?”

“There’s a long history of activity here. The Sith, the Jedi, other stray force orders, they’ve been here. He could be looking for artifacts.”

He just shrugged, “If he is, does it matter?”

“It might, there are still objects of great power out there. And Ben, Ben wants power. That’s his end goal now that he left his master. Return and displace him, and then seize control.” Skywalker looked past him into the distance, face grim, before sighing, “For now, it doesn’t matter I suppose. We’ve already deviated from our mission. Eventually I will have to track down my wayward students and settle the debts between us, but I know this is not the time.”

A wave of relief hit him. He had been genuinely concerned Skywalker was going to lock onto Ren and insist they abandon their current objectives to deal with the man and the girl. And if that had happened he would have had to fight back against it.

He really didn’t want to have to argue with a kriffing legend or tell a Jedi he was emotionally compromised.

“They’re leaving tomorrow, Ren had put in for a departure slot with the port for the morning. Whatever they were on Thune for, they either found it or gave up.”

Skywalker looked the direction of the inn again, and for a split second he saw a shudder got through the man’s features, a flicker of emotion as his eyes flashed with anger.

Then it was gone, the old Jedi looked as calm as he always did, “The force asks for patience. And so I will be patient. When the time is right, my path and theirs will cross again.”

Without another word Skywalker turned, raising his hood as he walked across the bridge and vanished into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think this was the first time in this story I went with a POV that wasn't Rey or Kylo. They were the primary POVs in Chained but we did peek into a few different characters minds in that.
> 
> In the later acts of this story, when we start reintegrating back into the main conflict, it'll probably happen more often. For right now, this was just a little side trip to Poe's mind so we could tie it in with Rey and Kylo's conversation.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His mind thrummed with the force in all its potency as he stepped to the edge to look into the pool. The water was clear, and he suspected deep, though it was so clear the depth was nearly impossible to tell. The bottom was a strange mosaic of light and dark lines formed by waves of black and white sand. And in the center… in the very center… the sand swirled, as if caught in a vortex. The white sand and black separating into two distinct, intertwining currents that spun rapidly around one another, tangling and locking together.
> 
> “W-what is that?” Rey’s voice trembled as she stepped next to him, in a mixture of fear and wonder.
> 
> The force flowed from the point tangled waves of light and dark, he could feel it, the power flooding him, almost overwhelming him. After a minute, something clicked, and he realized what he was seeing.
> 
> It was a wellspring, no, it was _wellsprings_ , two of them. One was light, one was dark, and they had somehow sprung from the same point in space, acting on one another, attracting, or maybe repulsing, until they were hopelessly intertwined but balanced together in and endless spin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So between the ridiculous number of WIPs I have and the fact that this fic has been kind of cranky and fighting me, it's been a really long time between updates. I'm sorry about that. Hopefully this chapter broke the writers block dam on this story and it'll flow easier again.

_She wasn’t sure where she was or what was happening, but the air was thick with smoke and her vision was blurred as she opened her eyes. The smoke irritated her throat and she coughed, only to have a hand clamp down tight over her mouth. She kicked and squirmed, fear and panic growing._

_“Shhhhh!” The hand over her mouth slipped away and a boy… the boy, the one she’d met a few days ago, hovered over her, voice gentle, but edged with fear. She couldn’t follow what he was saying, she only knew a little Basic, not enough to follow what he said. But she got the sense he was telling her she needed to be quiet. The space they were in was too small for the two of them, too small for the boy, and he had to try hard not to kick her as he moved to peer out a small opening, his body blotting out the light and darkening the space further._

_Sitting up, she scooted back until her back hit the wall, bringing her knees up and hugging them as she continued to look around in confusion. Where were her parents? She wanted her parents._

_Voices nearby shouted in Basic, followed by a series of bangs. The boy flinched and shied away from the opening._

_Something very bad was happening._

_She wanted her parents._

_“Buir?” she asked, keeping her voice soft, looking at him hopefully._

_He looked at her, the bit of light from the opening on his face. As he pushed some of his black hair back, the light reflected off the golden brown of his eyes. Her heart fell as she recognized the confusion in his expression and knew he didn’t understand her._

_Tears stung at her eyes and she blinked, sniffling._

_The boy scooted over to her, shushing her again, and speaking softly as he squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. He was speaking slower this time, and she was able to make out a few of the words from the Basic lessons she’d been being given. “Going to be all right.”_

_A boot slammed down next to the opening to their hiding place, knocking dust and a few pebbles inside. The boy froze, his hand tightening slightly on her shoulder as he turned to look. Something metal tapped the ground._

_“Hello?” a gruff voice called, and she knew that word._

_The boy glanced at her, shaking his head sharply in a warning._

_Several voices outside shouted again in Basic, and then the gruff voice spoke again, “Rae? Cuyir gar o'r ogir, Rae?”_

 

* * *

 

She awoke with her heart pounding in her chest, disoriented. It took her a moment to realize that she was in her room on Kylo’s shuttle, in bed, and not somewhere where the air was filled with smoke and people shouting.

Getting up, she walked into the hallway to be startled by daylight streaming in from an open hatch. They were on a planet…

A wave of annoyance hit her at Kylo not bothering to wake her when they broke out of hyperspace. She walked over to the hatch, squinting in the brightness of the light, and was met by an endless range of green stretching out in all directions, broken only rarely by white or slate grey rocks poking above the sea of grass. The sky was a deep blue, stretching as endlessly above as the grass seemed to below.

“You’re awake.”

She turned around to see Kylo peeking from the common area of the shuttle, a spatula in his hand. Breakfast, she realized, he was cooking breakfast. Now that the scent of smoke that seemed to cling to her nostrils from the dream was fading, she could smell it and her stomach gurgled as she walked towards him.

“Why didn’t you wake me when we broke from hyperspace?” she groused as she walked past him to sit at the table.

“I tried,” he flipped some smoke nerf meat out of the pan onto a plate, followed with a scoop of some kind of eggs and a piece of toast, before setting it in front of her. “You were out cold, I figured you needed the sleep.”

“I’m not usually a heavy sleeper,” she muttered, frowning. Turning she glanced out the cockpit viewport to see the expanse of flat green rose into a series of oddly shaped hills in the distance, “This is?”  


“Corvi system, so supposedly one of the worlds that has some kind of ruins on it.”

“Did you see anything from the air?” she speared an entire piece of nerf meat on her fork and bit off a hunk.

“No, but---” he paused, looking past her at the hills in the distance, “You don’t feel it?”

She blinked, frowning, “Felt?” Turning her head to look out towards the hills. Realizing she was still tense from her dream, she took a deep breath and relaxed, opening herself up a bit. Faintly, from the directions of the hills she felt… something… it was hard to describe. It was a pulse, a heartbeat, of something powerful.

“You feel it too,” he smiled, sitting down across from her.

“What is that?” she asked. It reminded her of the nexus point of the light she felt in the temple in ahch-to, but was different. That had been a beacon, a spring pulsing out life… this was strobing, murky, but not in a bad way. It was just different.

“No idea,” Kylo said before shoving a bite of eggs in his mouth. “It reminds me of a force wellspring, but it’s different too in a way I can’t quite grasp.” He glanced out the window again, “I think we take a hike later and see if it’s possible to get closer to it.”

Scooping some of her eggs onto her toast, she took a big bite, “Are you sure it’s safe?”

He smirked, “We’re going to find out if it’s not.”

She rolled her eyes, stabbing her nerf meat and lifting the entire piece up on her fork to take a bite from it. It was salty and smoky and delicious, “You’re a pain in the ass.”

“And you’re a brat, an adorable one, but a brat,” he answered. His eyes were gentle and affectionate as he spoke, and she noticed that in sunlight coming through the window they were a warm, golden brown instead of the dark, near black they often seemed to be.

Her mind flashed to the eyes of the boy in her dream and she frowned, looking down at her plate, trying to recall the nightmare. Explosions, hiding, an older boy with black hair and brown eyes…

A boy who had looked a lot like Kylo.

 

* * *

 

The walk into the hills was long, and fairly uneventful. He kept a wary eye out for an fauna that might be dangerous, but if there were predators here, they kept their distance. Other than a few birds soaring high above them, they appeared to be completely alone. The tall grasses thinned to shorter varieties as the hills got rockier, but grass still seemed to be the predominant vegetation. No shrubs, no trees, just green grasses growing amid the rocks. It was strangely peaceful.

Since their argument that night on Thune, he’d been trying to keep some distance with Rey until he was sure they were both cooled down enough that having a discussion wouldn’t degrade into a fight again. Instead they fell into a pattern of banter and teasing, which looked friendly, even affectionate, but was more of a coping mechanism. A way to deal with the other person while still keeping emotionally distant.

Neither one of them said much through the first half of the hike. There was still no signs of ruins, or civilization, or even that other people had ever been here. Just rocks, dirt, and grass, and whatever that thing was--- that strange, strobing pulse, a tangle of light and dark--- getting closer as they walked.

“Who was Eliz?”

He froze mid step, head turning sharply to look at Rey, “I… sorry?”

“You mentioned her once before. And you thought about her when we were arguing on Thune, when I asked what had happened between you and Luke.” She shrugged, “It was strong enough that it came through without me trying to see it.”

_The young Jedi Solo. Here as your master’s messenger again?_

He could hear her voice just as clearly as if she was standing next to him. Closing his eyes and drawing in a breath, he debated how much to say, “She was the Regent on Rinalt. It was an independent system, and Luke would often send me as an emissary for him when he wanted something from them.”

“You cared about her…”

He really didn’t want to talk about this, not now, not yet. “Yes.”

“What happened?”

Turning, he started to walk, “We should get moving, I’m not sure how much further it is and we’ll still need time to get back to the ship afterwards.”

Rey’s annoyance flashed over the bond and he heard her take several steps to catch up, “You didn’t answer me.”

“True.”

“Are you going to?” she demanded.

He stopped, his shoulders drooping slightly as he looked back at her, “Not today.”

 

* * *

 

The hills became steeper, more rocky. A stream ran alongside the path they took, growing larger until the reached a rock archway that seemed unlikely to have formed naturally. The stream ran through it, and beyond there was a clearing, ringed with a wall massive stones. At the end of the clearing, there was a pool, lined by columns of stone, from which the stream ran.

Somewhere by or in that pool… whatever it was they were feeling continued to spin and pulsate with power. He’d been near wellsprings before, both for the lightside and the darkside, and this reminded him of those, but comparing this to one of those would be like comparing a pulsar to a sun that was still stable. He felt the light side and the dark side both being emitted here, but it was tangled together.

“Someone built this,” Rey muttered. He nodded in agreement. The materials might be natural, but the arrangement was not. Someone, at sometime in the past, moved these stones here. Someone had marked off this clearing as something special.

Perhaps as a temple.

He walked forward towards the pool. There were several kinds of vines twining up the stone columns, the first vegetation he’d seen other than grass on this planet. There were flowers in sparse clusters along the vines. A few blue trumpets, a cluster of small red shells, white puffs like snowflakes, mixed among leaves that seemed to cover almost any shade of green you could think of.

His mind thrummed with the force in all its potency as he stepped to the edge to look into the pool. The water was clear, and he suspected deep, though it was so clear the depth was nearly impossible to tell. The bottom was a strange mosaic of light and dark lines formed by waves of black and white sand. And in the center… in the very center… the sand swirled, as if caught in a vortex. The white sand and black separating into two distinct, intertwining currents that spun rapidly around one another, tangling and locking together.

“W-what _is_ that?” Rey’s voice trembled as she stepped next to him, in a mixture of fear and wonder.

The force flowed from the point tangled waves of light and dark, he could feel it, the power flooding him, almost overwhelming him. After a minute, something clicked, and he realized what he was seeing.

It was a wellspring, no, it was _wellsprings_ , two of them. One was light, one was dark, and they had somehow sprung from the same point in space, acting on one another, attracting, or maybe repulsing, until they were hopelessly intertwined but balanced together in and endless spin.

“They had to be perfectly equal,” he said, aloud. Rey looked at him, confused. “If one had been more powerful, it would have destroyed the other, or consumed it.”

“What would have?” she was confused, but he was still too focused on the pool to explain. The sand, possibly the pool itself, had been put here. For whatever reasons, the dark sand was drawn to the dark side of the force, the white to the light, and caught in the dance between the two wellsprings, it defined what would otherwise be invisible.

He crouched down, yes, someone had built this, someone who found the balance achieved between the light and dark in this place special, holy. This _was_ a temple. Impulsively, he found his hand reaching down to the water.

“Kylo… that might not be---”

Rey’s voice was spiked with anxiety and concern, but as his fingers dipped into the water her her voice was lost in loud hum that filled his ears as the world around him faded to white.

 

* * *

 

_He woke up from a fitful sleep to voices in the next room._

_The light streaming in the window felt wrong, too bright, the sun too high. Mom never let him sleep in this long, she should have prodded him out of bed hours ago, scolding him for being a lazy bantha and telling him he was going to miss breakfast. It was a sign of how wary she'd been since the… the… incident. As much as he liked sleeping in--- and he’d been so tired in the last week, so tired and numb that all he seemed to want to do was lay in bed and sleep--- the change in her behavior bothered him._

_It was like she was afraid of him now._

_“...from Clan Kryze…” his mother was talking to someone, he passed to the door, listening. “...prevent third Mandalorian civil war…”_

_He pushed his ear against the door as a man's voice spoke, “And you think they were the target? Not you or Ben?”_

_They were talking about…_ it _… he realized, and his body stiffened._

_“They were after the little girl, Ben said so much… I…” his mother's voice broke with anger. He could feel her disgust and rage, “Their daughter can’t be more than three! I don't know what their intent was… kidnapping or murder but…”_

_“Calm yourself, Leia.”_

_“For kriff’s sake, Luke, I think I have the right to be upset! My residence was attacked and my son’s life was threatened!”_

_He could sense the man out there, the intensity of his presence seemed to shine like a flare in the darkness. It was calm, like a still pool of water, with an occasional ripple of agitation breaking the surface. At his mother's outburst he felt a tremor of irritation vibrate through that still pool, churning the surface with waves… and then it was gone in an instant, the surface as still as if nothing had happened._

_“I'm just trying to understand the situation, and your agitation is making it more difficult.”_

_His mother huffed, a sure sign that she was more than a little pissed off, but surprisingly didn’t argue, instead there was a long pause before she spoke again, “He’s haunted by it, Luke, I don’t want him to have to live with this… he’s barely thirteen.”_

_There was a creak of wood--- someone settling into a chair--- and then the man spoke again,“This isn’t something you do lightly, Leia.” There was a sigh, “You’re sure it was him?”_

_“The report said it was as if their throats were crushed from_ inside _their bodies.”_

_The blood seemed to be draining from his face. So she knew what had happened, or at the least she knew he’d been the one who’d done something._

_He should stop listening to this, run back to his bed and pull the covers over his head and pretend he hadn’t heard any of this. He didn’t want to hear people talking about the fact that he was a murderer._

_Another pause, “How are you dealing with the questions?”_

_“By saying I have no idea what happened.”_

_“And Ben?”_

_A long pause, he could feel his mother’s anxiety pulse, “He says he doesn’t remember anything after they dragged him and the girl from their hiding spot.”_

_The silence that followed was painfully long, and all he could do was stand at the door, his fists clenching and unclenching, memories of explosions and smoke, fear and horror. The girl tiny in his arms as he’d picked her up and hid them both. The panic when she hadn’t seemed to be breathing at first…_

_“I can do what you’re asking,” the man said, a firmness in his voice, “but the boy comes with me when I leave.”_

_He blinked in confusion… what?_

_“I… no,” his mother stuttered._

_“He needs to be trained, Leia,” the man cut her off, “he needs to be trained formally. This should have been done years ago, and you know that. It’s just going to be that much harder for him now to adjust because you didn’t act when you first saw his powers growing outside of his ability to control them.”_

_His confusion was beginning to bleed into panic. He didn’t want to leave, didn’t want to go anywhere._

_“We don’t know he lost control.”_

_That calm pool that was the man’s presence roiled violently suddenly and he heard a fist slam into a table, the man’s voice angry, “There’s two options of what happened and losing control and the better of the two.”_

_“He saved himself and that girl---”_

_“By acting on his anger and fear,” the man took a deep breath and the surface of that pool began to calm again. “I’m not saying he didn’t act in self defense, but I am saying he touched the darkside of the force. If he doesn’t learn to center himself in the light, it will happen again, and again, until it’s too late.”_

_His mother sounded resigned, “Let me talk to Han first, he doesn’t know about any of this yet.”_

_“Han doesn’t understand this,” the man’s voice gentled, his presence smooth and calm as if the brief surge of emotion had never happened. “He won’t understand, but he’ll accept it once Ben’s with me. It---” The man’s voice trailed off and he felt a sharpness suddenly in the man’s presence, an intensity that suddenly focused in his direction._

_Then without warning the door to his room flew open, leaving him staring at the man and his mother. He blinked at the man, sandy hair and trimmed beard, realizing he knew him, he’d met him before, a long time ago._

_He expected them both to be angry at him for eavesdropping, but his mother just looked shocked, and the man--- his uncle he thought?--- looked him over with blue eyes that were intense but gentle._

_“Hello Ben,” the man said, giving him a soft smile. “You’re quite a bit bigger than the last time I saw you.”_

_A blush creeped into his cheeks, feeling self conscious under the scrutiny as he stood there in his sleep clothes._

_“I’m your uncle Luke,” his uncle paused, pursing his lips. “Your mother would like the two of us to talk.”_

 

* * *

 

“KYLO!” she shrieked his name as his body went limp, his face and torso splashing into the water. Diving to her knees, she wrapped her arms around his waist to keep him from falling in further. She dragged him back by the waist, trying to avoid getting too close to the water.

At least strength was easy to come by, the force surged through her here, pulses of light tangled with waves of darkness. She tapped into that power to drag his heavy body out and away from the pool. Once a safe distance from the water’s edge she hesitated just a split second before grabbing his wet tunic, hoping it was breaching the surface of the pool and not the water itself that had caused Kylo’s reaction. When nothing happened, she tightened her grip and flipped him over onto his back. His head rolled limply and she grabbed his chin, shaking him, “What in all the levels of hell were you thinking you laserbrained stoopa!” There was the slightest tinge of hysteria to her voice.

He was alive, she could still feel him across the bond, but he felt fuzzy, distant… a dull horror filled her as she realized he wasn’t breathing.

“Don't you dare die on me,” she snarled, shoving her anger across the bond at him. That at least got a reaction. His body jerked, still unconscious, his hands tightened into fists, his chest hitched once and he coughed, water spitting out of his mouth. She winced, pulling back slightly… if he was coughing out water, did that mean it was in his lungs? Could he have breathed it in?

She brought her fist down hard on his chest and he coughed out more water.

Sliding next to him, she shoved him roughly on his side, slamming her palm against back, then again as he coughed out more water.

“Kylo!” He finally took a gasping breath, and she felt a wave of relief. At least he was breathing. Rolling him on to his back, she straddled him, grabbing his tunic with both hands and shaking him, “Come on, you’re okay, you’re going to be okay. Just open your gods damned eyes so I’ll know it! Kylo!”

 

* * *

 

_“I don’t want to talk about it,” he eyed his uncle suspiciously as he sat on his bed, the man crouched in front of him._

_The world hummed suddenly, fading to white as he faintly heard Luke’s voice, “Don’t want to talk about what, Ben?”_

**balance**

_The word echoed through his mind as the world reformed, but he was outside of it, above it. An expanse of snowy forest spread out below, Starkiller. Red and blue lit the night, and he realized he was staring at himself and Rey as they circled each other. The pattern of red and blue light reflecting on the snow reminded him of the swirl of the dark and light sand that danced in the current of the wellsprings he’d seen at the bottom of the pool._

**peace yet passion**

_Below him the world shifted, and he saw himself pinning Rey against the cliff, red blade locked with the blue, bending her back._

“You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the force!”

_His voice was so strangely pleading as he spoke those words. Rey blinked, her eyes closing as she breathed, allowing the tension to leave her face. Her eyes opened, and just as he remembered they were calm, at peace._

_Then they changed, a snarl forming on her face as she broke the lock, lunging at him with unbridled fury… driving him back…_

_Around him the world hummed, and shifted..._

**without death, no life**

_It reformed into a scene of fire and smoke. He vaguely recognized the house, one of the consulate housing complexes they had lived in as they moved around for his mother’s work. The security wall that had surrounded this one was shattered by an explosion. Armed men were wrestling two children, an older boy and a younger girl, into the open._

_He blinked as he recognized himself, no more than thirteen, being dragged by the shirt and the hair by two men before being slammed to the ground, a boot between his shoulders. The girl, no more than three, screamed as she was thrown on the ground next to him. Her forehead was bruised and bleeding, and her brown hair fell into her face to cover hazel eyes wide with terror and confusion._

_They were saying something, but all he could he was the girls screams. The child version of himself thrashed violently, as several men stepped back, raising their weapons._

_Then they stumbled back, clawing at their throats before they began to collapse. His child self pushed himself to his knees, eyes wide and fists held tight. When the last one hit the ground he opened his fists, staring at the dead men with trembling lips before crawling over to the girl and wrapping his arms around her as he collapsed, exhausted._

**the force is all, I am the force**

_The scene faded, and he blinked, finding himself sitting on his bed again. Thirteen years old and staring into Luke’s blue eyes as his uncle reached out and brushed his hand against the side of his forehead. A surprising pressure built up in his mind, and he tried to pull back, but Luke caught his shoulder, holding him in place._

_“Relax, Ben.” Luke’s voice sounded distant, “I’m going to take away what’s haunting you…”_

_The world began to fade around the edges, the humming growing stronger…_

“Kylo!”

_Rey’s voice cut through endless hum and white nothingness._

“Gods damn it, Kylo, open your eyes! Just open your eyes, please!”

 

* * *

 

He gasped as his eyes opened to find Rey’s frantic hazel eyes staring down at him. Coughing, he realized she was straddling his torso, her fists wound into the fabric of his tunic.

“Oh thank gods, thank the gods… and what the hell were you thinking you nerve burned moof milker?” she sounded near hysterics.

Starting to laugh was probably not the best response, but he couldn’t help it, “The mouth on you, little girl.”

She huffed in annoyance and jerked his tunic hard, eyes flashing, before releasing her grip on his shirt and sliding off of him. He sat up, running a hand through his wet hair, looking around. They were still in the clearing, the strange tangled waves of the force still pulsing through them. He glanced over his shoulder at the pool… the last thing he remembered was reaching down to touch the water…

“What happened?” he looked at Rey.

“You dipped your hand into the water--- like a kriffing idiot--- and then fell halfway into it. I had to drag you back and I had to get you to cough up a bunch of water and start breathing again.”

He glanced over his shoulder at the pool, “I saw something,” he murmured… “I saw…” he paused, shaking his head, he needed some time to wrestle with what he saw and figure out what the hell it all was.

“Don’t you even think about going near the edge again,” she hissed at him.

Looking back at her, he smiled, “You’re worried about me?”

“You nearly died you idiot,” she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Without death, no life,” he murmured.

“Without death what?”

He grinned, shaking his head before falling back on the grass, “I think we found our first Grey Jedi temple.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, welcome to my imagination as we go down the hallways of "what would grey jedi find holy?"
> 
> I hope the description of the wellsprings works. I see it so clearly in my head and hope I was able to make you guys see it through the prose. 
> 
> Are we getting hints of backstory? Yeeeepppp. Starting to hint along the answers to the questions still lingering from Chained... When did they meet in the past and forged this force bond, since in Chained it was established that it preexisted their first meeting on Takadona.
> 
> Anyway, hope this chapter works, and sorry again for the wait between updates.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frowning, she looked down at her plate, “So you think Luke erased some of your memories? Why?”
> 
> “Something happened… I think I may have been given a glimpse of it. Men with blasters dragging me and… and a little girl out into the open in a burning, shattered courtyard.”
> 
> _“Rae? Cuyir gar o'r ogir, Rae?”_
> 
> Her dream from last night had faded, but she remembered smoke and fear, and that voice from outside their hiding spot. She wasn’t certain what language it was, but somehow knew “are you in there” was what the man had been asking.
> 
> And there had been a boy… an older boy with black hair and brown eyes. She looked up at met Kylo’s earnest gaze.
> 
> “Rey, I’m pretty sure the little girl was you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of eh on this chapter, but decided to just go with it. Hopefully my fretting is me overthinking it.

Curious, curious.

He watched from a distance, wary of the poisoned well. The darkness was his kind’s weakness, that side of the force was alien, smothering. Not like the light. The light they feasted on, the light they consumed and it sustained them. The wellspring of light here was irrevocably tangled with the vile threads of dark. A danger if he got too close to where the power ebbed at its full potency. His physical essence would accept the light and be tainted by the dark. It would sicken him.

Which was not to say he did not have an appreciation for the oddity of these wellsprings. The ones who had preached Balance had found it a long time ago and embraced it as a symbol of what they believed. The Force seeked balance above all else, that light and dark, in balance, could exist in harmony.

He did not judge their teachings. It was not his place to confirm or deny the beliefs of one group or another. But in his observations, the Force sought balance, but not harmony. Darkness and light played out an eternal conflict that long predated his own existence, much less the time he spent watching. If the darkness rose, the light would rise to meet it. If the light rose, darkness would rise. Always in conflict, always challenging each other. Never did the constant motion and cycles stop. Champions rose, were killed, and the Force replaced them with another. And so it continued.

Until now, this pretty shiny child, her light cut through with fractures of dark, and her compliment, the dark one with ripples of light. They attracted instead of repulsed, fitting together and balancing each other.

So curious. He was intrigued to see how it played out.

To his relief, the one now calling himself Snoke had yet to call on him to interfere again, though he was sure that vile dark creature would be back. Flashing his teeth to nothing and no one, he ran a pointed tongue across them. If the opportunity arose would turn all of that one’s plans back against him.

But until then he would wait and watch.

 

* * *

 

Rey stood between him and the pool, her small hands planted against his chest, pushing him back.

“Uh uh, no way. You aren’t going near that gods damned thing again,” she glared up at him, hazel eyes blazing with stubbornness.

“I’ll be careful,” he said, trying to step around her. She fisted his wet shirt and shoved him back a step. He forgot sometimes how strong his girl was.

“You nearly kriffing died, you nerve burned eopie!” Rey glowered at him.

“You’re being ridiculous,” he sighed. “It didn’t affect me till my hand breached the surface. I won’t do that again.”

“Something weird happened to you, and we’re going back to the shuttle,” she let go of his shirt to cross her arms across her chest.

“We came all the way out here to find things like this. It’s the whole point,” he spread his hands, exasperated. She glared, the bridge of her nose crinkling in that endearing way it did when she was mad. He had to resist the urge to press his index finger against it, that would probably _really_ piss her off right now.

The force hummed soothingly around them in that strange way. Light and dark perpetually flowing from the wellsprings, tangled together. He made a sudden move to get around Rey, and she let out a noise that was a cross between a yelp and a snarl. Lunging at him, she threw herself into him, knocking them both to the ground.

Despite the soft grass cushioning the ground, he still hit hard enough to knock the wind out of his lungs. He weezed as Rey straddled him, chest heaving and eyes blazing, “We’re going back to the shuttle _now_ , Kylo!”

He stared into her eyes for a moment before pushing himself up on his elbows, a small, cocky smile playing on his lips, “You really were worried about me, weren’t you?”

She shifted where she sat straddling his torso, chest still heaving. His eyes drifted down, her white shirt had gotten wet and it clung to her, and despite the higher thinking areas of his brain telling him he should probably stop staring… well...

“Seriously?” she growled, crossing an arm across her chest. “And yes I was worried. I’m all alone out here without you.”

“Sorry,” he sat up and she let out a squeak as she slid down to his lap, now straddling his groin. His hands settled on her hips, “It just was a nice view. And yes, I’m sure it was all related to concern for yourself.”

“I’m going to punch you, you kriffing ass.”

In a quick motion he wrapped one of his hands behind her head and kissed her. She tried to pull back, surprised, before letting the tension in her body go and relaxing into the kiss. The bond hummed across their minds, content, as she timidly kissed him back. He nipped at her bottom lip as he pulled back, drawing a surprised yip from her. Smug smile on his face, he searched her eyes, “Going to slap me this time?”

Rey just rolled her eyes scooting back so she wasn’t straddling his cock. Which was mildly disappointing despite not being unexpected.

“No,” she answered. “But we’re going back. Straight back, to the shuttle.”

Letting his eyes flutter closed, he sighed, “Fine.”

“I—” she started, voice still argumentative. He opened his eyes to see her blinking down at him, puzzled, “Fine?”

“Fine, straight back. And yes, away from the pool.”

She looked completely confused, which made him start laughing. Her eyes narrowed, “You’re serious?”

He jumped to his feet, holding on to her to hold her against him as he stood. She let out a startled yelp, wrapping her legs tight around his hips and grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you,” he murmured, getting another scowl and crinkled nose in return. Walking a the opposite direction from the pool he set her down. She kept his shirt balled into her fists, as if she was afraid he might turn and make a run back to the pool now that she wasn’t between it and him. “And yes, I’m serious. If it’s going to stress you out so much, we can head back. I think this place might have given me what it wanted me to see, I just wanted to take one last look at the wellsprings.”

Moving past her, he tugged his shirt from her grip, following the path out of the clearing and past the large stones marking it. Rey hurried behind him, “What do you mean, given you what it wanted you to see?”

Looking back at her, he thought of the girl in that brief snippet of his vision, the one dragged out with the child version of himself, thrown down in a shattered courtyard as men aimed blasters at them.

The little girl with brown hair and hazel eyes.

He had no recollection of such an event happening. Nor did he remember the scene where he overheard Luke talking with his mother. Luke had agreed to do something for her, something she wanted done to the younger version of himself. The cost was her agreeing that he would go with Luke to be trained.

The memories of his being sent with Luke were foggy, something that he never really thought about before now. Mostly he remembered the emotions. The anger, the sense of abandonment and betrayal. The events around him being sent off with Luke were just, vague and undefined.

_“I’m going to take away what’s haunting you…”_

His hand closed into a tight fist as he looked away from Rey, staring ahead blankly.

“Luke took something from me,” he responded, voice dropping coldly. “He took something and I think it’s important that I get it back.”

 

* * *

 

“You’re not being rational.”

She glared Kylo’s back in annoyance as he brushed off her concerns without even turning around from the stove. “I don’t like this planet.” Her eyes narrowed, “And I know you just rolled your eyes, I could feel it.”

He grabbed a towel and wiped his hands as he turned to look at her, “We’ll leave in the morning. I want to study the star charts and figure out where we should go next.”

“We could do that outside of this atmosphere.”

Kylo rolled his eyes and turned back to the stove, grabbing plates and heaping one with noodles and vegetables. “You know, I’m the one that nearly drowned in a force vision and yet you’re the one that wants to leave.”

“Yeah, maybe because you lost half your brain cells due to lack of oxygen,” she huffed at him as he walked over and dropped the plate in front of her. Her stomach growled, it smelled good, despite being polystarch noodles.

He shook his head as he put a smaller helping on the second plate, and she fought the urge to throw her fork at his head.

“Don’t do that. You won’t have a fork to eat with,” he smirked as he turned with his own plate and joined her at the table.

Raising her hands, she wiggled her fingers, “I got hands. I don’t need your fancy utensils. And if that makes you lose your appetite, all the better.”

Kylo just smiled at her affectionately as he twirled his noodles onto his fork.

She scooped some up on her own fork and sucked them into her mouth. Her eyes rolled back approvingly. Kylo might be an ass but she had to admit he was an ass who knew how to cook.

“Fine. Morning. But we _are_ leaving tomorrow morning.”

“Like I said, I think this place told me what it wanted to tell me. So yes, tonight I figure out where we’re going, tomorrow morning we leave.”

“What did you mean earlier that Luke took something from you?” she shoved another forkful of noodles into her mouth, watching him.

Setting his fork down, Kylo rested his chin on his hand, eyes looking past her, distant, “I saw… it was a memory, but not one I remember.”

“Um,” she rolled her eyes up. “Could you clarify what that means?”

He sighed, “I was, I don’t know, maybe thirteen? I woke up and Luke and my mother were talking about me in the next room. About something that had happened, to me. My mother wanted Luke to do something for me and he said he would only if she agreed that I would leave with him for training.” His eyes took a distant look as he tapped his fingers on the table, “I don’t remember it. I don’t remember what had happened that they were talking about. I knew what it was in the memory though, I was upset when I realized that was what they were discussing.”

She shrugged, swallowing and wiping the back of her hand across her mouth, “Maybe it wasn’t a real memory? Visions are weird.”

He grabbed an extra napkin and threw it at her. “Everything about the events leading my mother to send me to Luke are… foggy. It’s not something I ever really thought about, but when I do, it’s not a clear sequence of events. More like a vague memory of emotion, of being upset. I was home and then somehow I was with Luke.”

“Was this meant to be a suggestion?” She held up the napkin before dropping it on top of the one next to her plate in annoyance. “I’m still not sure I get what you’re suggesting? I mean, it’s not like you can use the force to erase memories?”

Kylo raised his eyebrows at her and she faltered, “You can’t, can you?”

“It’s a skill. Like breaching minds to extract information. It’s possible to plant false memories too, though as far as I know, Luke didn’t know how to do that. Or he viewed it as something unacceptable _to_ do, which was the same difference with him.”

Luke would have found it all unacceptable, she couldn’t imagine him ever doing any of these things.

Across from her, Kylo snorted, sensing her doubt over the bond, “Who do you think taught me how to extract memories?”

She blinked, “Uh, Snoke?”

“I won’t say he didn’t help me… refine… for lack of a better word, my technique, but no, Luke was the one who trained me originally.” He paused, taking in her shock with a shake of his head, “Such things were last resort tactics, but they were there to use if the necessity came.”

Frowning, she looked down at her plate, “So you think Luke erased some of your memories? Why?”

“Something happened… I think I may have been given a glimpse of it. Men with blasters dragging me and… and a little girl out into the open in a burning, shattered courtyard.”

_“Rae? Cuyir gar o'r ogir, Rae?”_

Her dream from last night had faded, but she remembered smoke and fear, and that voice from outside their hiding spot. She wasn’t certain what language it was, but somehow knew “are you in there” was what the man had been asking.

And there had been a boy… an older boy with black hair and brown eyes. She looked up at met Kylo’s earnest gaze.

“Rey, I’m pretty sure the little girl was you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, our friend Absk is still around, watching. 
> 
> Mostly this was expanding on and clarifying some of the revelations of the last chapter before we move on.
> 
> Sorry about the long wait between updates. Too many fics going at once and too much work. Boo :(

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back all my Chained readers!
> 
> No one was expecting domestic bliss between these two, right? It's going to be an interesting road ahead.
> 
> I expect at least the first third of this story to be solely focused on Rey and Ren and their travels. So expect both angst and fluff and slow burn as these two work out their issues.
> 
> Hopefully everyone will enjoy this ride.


End file.
